Moonlight
by fallingstars68
Summary: Sometimes it's the strongest ones that are the most broken. Eclipse/Breaking Dawn from Leah's perspective. Trigger warnings inside. Blackwater.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fic ever that has been in progress for quite some time now. The fic is complete, and I plan on posting chapters weekly or so.** **The fic touches on a past rape, which is not described in explicit detail.** **I hope you all enjoy it, and as usual all typical disclaimers apply. Don't forget to drop a review if you like it, every word means a lot!**

* * *

 **ONE**

The room was filled with a cacophonous noise, dragging me violently from my sleep. The thin sheet I had thrown over my body was drenched in sweat and twisted around my shuddering frame. The air was pungent with the smell of fear.

It was then that I realized I was screaming.

Clamping my mouth shut, I attempted to steady my erratic heartbeat. I waited for telltale footsteps outside my door, my mind frantic as I threw together a semi-plausible excuse for my nightmare.

The house remained silent. I sighed in relief - I was alone.

The clock beside me glared red in the comforting darkness of my room, as unwelcome as the time it read. I closed my eyes against it, although the numbers were already burned into the backs of my eyelids. 6:42. Groaning, I got up and stepped along the wall, feeling for the light switch. As I flicked it upwards, the room was flooded with harsh light and I found myself looking into my mirror.

My short hair stood up at random intervals, framing my face in an almost boyish manner. I grabbed a brush from my dresser and attempted to tame it for a few moments before sighing and giving up. Asserting my femininity hadn't exactly been easy since I had Phased. My long limbs had developed sinewy muscles that were too defined, adding unnecessary bulk to my frame. I imagined growing back the long, flowing locks I had chopped off begrudgingly, fingering its now-blunt ends.

I looked over at the clock once more. 6:49. Unwilling to face Sam's wrath, I slipped on a dress and left.

Ten minutes later, I stood at the forest line outside the Little House, tapping my foot impatiently. My overly sensitive ears picked up the sound of the creatures of the night awakening, stirring awake memories that I had tried to bury deep within me. I tried to avert my attention from them, instead listening for the footsteps that would signal the other boys' approach.

Paul showed up first, sauntering up to me leisurely.

"You're late." I snapped impatiently.

He sized me up, smirking. "And I should care because...?"

"My time is valuable. I don't appreciate other people wasting it - especially the likes of _you_."

"I'm so hurt," he bent double in pretend agony.

I backhanded him across the head, hard.

"Ow!"

"I would say I'm sorry, but we both know that I'm not."

He glared at me, clutching his head. "You're such a bitch."

"And you're an asshole." I shot back, unable to ignore the slight feeling of hurt his words awoke within me.

"Takes one to know one," he muttered, still rubbing the sore spot on his head.

I crossed my arms and continued to give him my most scathing look.

Sam showed up just then, looking agitated. Jake was on his heels. Sam's face was solemn, and we knew the news wasn't good. Ever since one of the leeches had decided to come after the girl - that _idiot_ girl - the pack had been on high alert.

"It was in her _bedroom_ ," Jake said, shuddering. He was tense, which was his default state of late. I scowled, thinking of the punishment the pack had had to endure as his thoughts were filled with nothing but the leech-lover. _Bella, Bella, Bella_ \- he could pine for hours. It was pathetic, although she would never show it.

"Whose bedroom?" Embry asked as he ran up behind them, slightly out of breath.

"Bella's." Sam said shortly. "Follow its scent and see if you can find anything."

Embry's mouth dropped slightly open. "Like her bedroom where she _sleeps_?"

"Yes, that kind of bedroom, you idiot." Jake fidgeted impatiently, his eyes shining with fear. His unwavering love for her was sickening.

"And no one knew? Not even the mind-reader?"

"What does this have to do with us? She has an army of those things behind her - I'm sure one isn't that big of a deal." I interjected.

"It has everything to do with me, which indirectly includes _you_ , in case you hadn't noticed." Jacob's temper flared.

 _What made her so special?_ "I shouldn't have to be a part of your pathetic love triangle," I said. "And-"

Sam cut me off with a warning look. I rolled my eyes, scowling at Jacob.

Jacob started walking towards the forest line. "I'm guarding her house tonight."

I couldn't stifle the derisive snort that came out at this statement. It was beyond me why he would insist on guarding her, putting himself within listening distance while she cavorted with her blood-sucking cuddle buddy all night.

"Good luck with that,"

"Being a bitter bitch isn't very becoming, Leah," Jacob spat over his shoulder before disappearing into the trees.

All three of our mouths hung open, shocked at his words. Jacob was always the last one to lose his temper.

"Oh no he _didn't_ ," said Embry, breaking the silence.

Sam and Paul chuckled, and I scowled.

* * *

Daybreak stole through the sky as quickly like the cloak of night had covered us hours earlier.

 _Faster,_ I urged my limbs. The powerful, lean muscles of my wolf form responded eagerly as I shot deeper into the trees. I could feel the presence of the two other wolves with me as we fanned out further, searching.

The forest floor was was hard and damp against my paws, the misty morning air cool and comforting as it rolled through my thick fur in waves. My pants came out in little white puffs while I loped through the trees, following yet another fading trail. The scent lingered, sickeningly sweet, but time had consumed the majority of it until it tapered off into the sharp, familiar scents of nature surrounding me.

I slowed to a stop, feeling my haunches get sprinkled with dirt and debris. Stretching out on the forest floor, I felt my limbs grow heavier as exhaustion began clawing at the edges of my consciousness. An inner sigh escaped from my wolf form in a small whimper. We had been patrolling all night, and this was the seventh dead trail that we had followed.

 _Leah?_ Embry's voice pierced the silence in my thoughts, his question desperate despite the answer he could see through my wolf eyes.

 _Nothing_. I thought back at him anyway as I began lapping dew off of my paws lazily, feeling the inevitable disappointment flit through his thoughts.

 _Damn_ , Embry's voice rang through my head. _Mine's dead, too_.

 _Same here,_ Paul intoned, gathering his frustration into a piercing howl.

As Paul's howl echoed, we felt the familiar ripple of someone phasing as our Beta joined us.

 _Anything_? Jake asked hopefully, weariness evident in his tone.

 _Sorry,_ Paul directed his thoughts toward Jacob. _False alarm. Another dead one._

I felt myself begin to drift off as the boys' conversation rattled on, letting my head drop onto my paws. The wind swept through the trees like a song, whispering sweet nothings to the leaves as they shivered in its caresses. The forest was bathed in a cloud of gray, distorting the earthy hues surrounding me. The sprawling treetops were invisible, yet I could hear the birds chirping their morning lament as other creatures skittered up and down the bark. Soft vibrations of other, larger animals that gave me a respectfully wide berth could be felt, reverberating from further away.

I vaguely heard Jake telling the other boys to phase and get some sleep as my eyelids began to droop. The world around me faded into sounds and sensations as my vision finally drew into darkness. Mist settled around me, gingerly accepting me into its tranquility. My companions' thoughts of food drifted into non-existence as they phased back to human form and I relished in the fact that I was now blissfully alone.

I sighed again, slowing my breathing to a calm, rhythmic pace as I slipped into my familiar habit of meditation. I allowed my thoughts to trickle away from me, encouraging the bountiful nature around me to overwhelm my senses. I inhaled the earthy tang of the dirt, mingling with the sweet sap leaking from peeling bark. The forest was quiet yet humming with energy as the rest of its creatures continued to stir around me, wary of the overlarge wolf's commanding presence.

A sudden flash of a memory shattered the veil of tranquillity that had descended over me. Me, crouched in agony on my bathroom floor, a towel stuffed hastily into my mouth to quiet my screams...

My entire frame began shuddering, aching as my sanity thrashed around desperately, looking for something - anything - to hold on to. I could feel the memories rising, awakened after months of my forcing them deep within me, and I felt panic constricting my throat, pulling me under, under, under….

It was then that a voice broke through, its words warbled as I struggled to focus.

"Leah," a voice whispered, cradling me gently as the memories buried within surged forward, attempting to break my carefully constructed barriers.

"Leah," it repeated, louder this time. As my mind began to gather itself from the crumbling mess it had become, I realized that I could almost recognize the voice, the whisps of a name hovering on the edges of my memory.

At once, the forest threw itself back into sharp focus around me. What had been my source of contentment moments before had turned sinister, intimidating me. The cool air now had a biting edge, causing me to shiver deep within as it seemed to feel my secret - _relishing_ in my pain.

"LEAH!" A voice boomed through the trees. Somehow, I had phased and lay curled into myself, desperately hugging my knees to my chest. I shivered again, pulling my body even closer together.

The voice drew closer, shouting my name all the while. I sat completely still, unwilling to succumb the the trembles building within me; knowing that the traitorous tears building behind my closed eyelids would follow.

My jumbled mind finally matched a face to the voice seconds before Jacob appeared beside me. I felt something soft cover my body, opening my eyes as steadied my gaze on him as he approached. His tattered cut-offs showed evidence of having been thrown on in his haste to reach me. A thin sheen of sweat coated his bare chest that heaved as he stared back at me, concern twisting his features.

"Leah?" He whispered tentatively, kneeling before me.

I blinked slowly, hyper aware of the tears that continued to fight for release.

"Leah?" He breathed, softer this time, hesitantly reaching forward to brush my hair out of my face. It felt stringy and matted with dirt, fastened to my sweaty cheek.

I choked as a residual sting of panic arose again. "Don't," I tried to shout. "Don't touch me." It came out as more of a gargle, and I felt myself shrink backwards an inch.

He seemed to understand what I was attempting to say, opting to lean back on his haunches instead. It was then that I realized he had thrown a large fleece blanket over me, surrounding my already unnaturally warm body in more heat.

I flicked my gaze downward, then back up at his face questioningly.

"I..." He blushed. "I remembered that your clothes were probably far since you left from home last night, so I brought this for you to cover with instead... I didn't see anything, I swear." He rambled, his eyes wide and innocent, a deviation from the usual dominating Beta stance he maintained. "I'm sorry about what I said last night… I'm just… stressed, is all."

I nodded mutely, my eyes drifting shut. _Go away, go away, go away,_ I chanted inwardly, begging him to hear my silent plea. I looked into his eyes again, giving him as cold of a glare I could muster.

His eyes hardened, and he rearranged his long, muscled limbs until his sat with his legs crossed in front of him. "I'm not leaving you here alone," he said firmly, his eyes glinting in stubborn defiance.

I managed a small huff before twisting my body around under the blanket, silently communicating my anger and frustration at not being able to defy my Beta. I curled my toes experimentally, hoping my limbs would resume responding to my will. They obeyed, and I began twitching my ankles, slowly travelling my movements up my body. Before long, I stretched and sat up, clutching the blanket tightly around myself.

All the while, I could feel Jacob's steady gaze boring into my back, knowing that if I looked into his eyes I would see them brimming with questions I was not ready to answer. Instead, I stood, clutching the blanket to my chest and padded out of his sight before tying it around my ankle and phasing, taking off at a run towards my home.

I felt Jacob join me all too soon. _Don't think you can avoid talking about this, Leah. What happened back there?_

His obvious concern annoyed me. _Drop it,_ I snapped, shooting him waves of irritation.

 _You know I won't,_ he retorted, closing in and running alongside me. His russet brown fur shone deeply in the rays of golden sunlight that pierced the canopy, glinting wildly.

I growled and pushed harder, easily breezing ahead of him. He put on speed as he struggled slightly, trying to keep up with my smaller, more lithe form.

 _Listen,_ he started as he fell in beside me once more. _I know we haven't been on the best terms since you Phased, but-_

I snorted. He was putting it quite lightly. The entire pack treated me like a leper, giving me a wide berth. I was the lone woman in their midst, scattering the male camaraderie they had previously shared and replacing it with a careful apprehension. In return, I had plagued them bitterly with reminders of their deepest fears which I had become privy to. Of all the pack members, Jacob was the only one who didn't treat me with any apprehension. It still didn't make us friends, though.

A sudden realization caused me to skid to an abrupt stop. Jacob followed suit, cocking his head at me in question.

 _No one can know_. I said sternly. _No one, Jake._

 _I'll try,_ he responded softly.

 _No,_ I snapped. _Trying isn't good enough. I_ need _you to_ _do it._

He paused, analyzing the desperation I had laced my words with. _Okay,_ he acquiesced after a few moments.

Satisfied, I took off at a run again, leaving Jacob and his questions behind in a cloud of dust.

* * *

I stood tentatively in front of Sam and Emily's home, my hand hovering over the dented and tarnished doorknob as I dreaded the imminent pack meeting. I straightened the blue cotton dress I had retrieved from my room and wiped my hand across my face for the umpteenth time, attempting to remove any evidence of the breakdown I had had in the comfort of my bedroom mere minutes earlier. My attempts were futile. I knew my eyes were still swollen and tinged with red, my skin ghostly compared to its usual tanned coloring.

I slowly pushed the door open, stepping into the overcrowded living room. The pack milled about, their loud conversation floating outside before I pulled the door shut behind me.

As I made to move towards a vacant space on the couch, a muffin whizzed past my head and hit the wall behind me, spraying crumbs in my hair. I scowled, reaching up to brush them off. Quil was guffawing loudly beside me, clutching his stomach.

Embry stood across the room, fuming. Raw egg dripped dripped in sticky rivulets down his forehead. "You're not even funny," he spat at Quil as he snatched another muffin from a plate on the table, intent on hitting his target.

"On the contrary - _I_ happen to think I'm hilarious." Quil retorted, ducking as the muffin flew just past his ear.

Embry reached for a third missile as Emily looked over her shoulder from her place in the kitchen, giving him a dark look. "Don't you dare," she warned.

Embry's face reddened for a moment before he retracted his arm, instead opting to stalk over to where Quil stood, bent double in laughter. He sobered as Embry approached, stepping smoothly around me and disappearing out the door. Embry followed in hot pursuit, his trembling form indicating he was about to phase.

Emily turned and moved towards the table, balancing two large plates overflowing with steaming eggs and bacon whilst chiding those who snuck pieces off before she could set them down on the table. The rest of the boys perked up at the sight of the food, scuffling amongst themselves as they scrambled to grab empty seats.

"Paul!" Emily screeched as he bounced into her and made her drop the plates, which landed miraculously upright on the table.

"Sorry," he laughed, bending to give her a quick pat on the head. "Blame Jared - he started it."

A friendly punch from the boy in question sent Paul sprawling to the ground, making the floor creak ominously.

"Not in the house!" Emily's voice floated above the din, surprisingly loud despite her small frame.

The boys all laughed in response before settling at the table, piling their plates high with food.

I continued to hover in the doorway, sighing. No one paid me any mind, as usual. I felt a familiar stab of pain as I watched them interact like family - a family that didn't include me. I sunk down into the now vacated couch, tracing its faded floral pattern before pulling absently at a frayed thread.

I felt eyes watching me from across the room. I looked up, startled that someone had noticed me in the flurry of activity.

It was Jacob. He sat, immobile, food untouched and eyes dark as he analyzed me carefully.

I felt trapped in his eyes, slipping into the depths of his ebony gaze. I took a shuddering breath, trying to move my own eyes away from him completely but settling on his face instead. He had grown sharp features that were complemented by the soft edges of his youth. His eyes were round and slightly almond shaped at the tips that ended in soft laugh lines, reminiscent of the humor that was once a permanent fixture on his face.

Now, his thick, dark lashes usually cast his eyes in shadow, reflecting the stress and anxiety he was constantly faced with. Although they mostly appeared to be solid black, I knew that flecks of gold flashed in his eyes during moments of wanton happiness or irrational anger. His usually full lips were stretched into a thin line as he continued to stare at me, his brow furrowed. His skin was more bronzed than usual from extended exposure to the sun, which contrasted delicately against his dark eyes and hair. Long, untame locks had grown shaggy and unruly, curling where they hit the nape of his neck.

For once, he wore a t-shirt, the dark green cotton pulled taut over his tensed muscles. I couldn't help but acknowledge his impressive physique that had sprouted seemingly overnight. Despite the similar changes we had all gone through as our wolf genes awoke, the boys all towered at least a half dozen inches above me. Jake was no exception. As the natural leader of the pack, his size was only rivaled by Sam. Gone was the giddy, baby faced teen I had seen periodically around the reservation. Here sat a man - a man whose face was alight with the wisdom that only maturity could bring.

A coil of anxiety stretched lazily in the pits of my stomach as I remembered our morning conversation. My mouth felt dry as I swallowed, suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to retch.

Quil and Embry returned, looking disheveled but smiling nonetheless. They hastened to the table and began to eat.

"Hey man, wanna pass the ketchup?" asked Quil, spewing the eggs with bits of toast as he chewed open-mouthed, gesturing to the bottle sitting next to Jacob. He didn't acknowledge the question, continuing to stare at me.

"Yeah, I could use some too," Jared chimed in from beside Quil.

Jacob continued to ignore them.

"Jake!" Quil complained, spewing more toast from his full mouth, earning himself a death glare from Emily.

"Jake?" Seth waved his hand in front of Jacob's face, still failing to elicit a response. By then, the rest of the occupants at the table had quieted down, gazing curiously at Jake. Slowly, their eyes all turned and landed on the spot Jacob was focused on.

I shifted awkwardly under the force of their sudden acknowledgement, but glared back, annoyed at the surprise displayed on their faces.

"Leah," Emily spoke nervously after a few tense moments of silence. She twisted her mangled features into a nervous smile. "I didn't notice you come in. Are you hungry?" She gestured at the table, her face dropping into a frown as she noticed that most of the food seemed to have vanished.

I flicked my gaze over my cousin, examining her with disdain. Despite the scars that marred half her face, I had to admit that she was still breathtaking.

I felt another pang in my chest. We stood in such close proximity, yet she had never felt further away. For a moment, I felt vulnerable, wanting to run into her arms and feel her comb her fingers through my hair soothingly as she had done so many times in the past. Then my eyes landed on her scars, and I felt myself harden once again. She was the embodiment of a happiness I would never know; a life I would never know. The room we stood in had no bearing on the size of the ocean of distance that had risen between us.

"No," I finally spoke, my voice steady despite my discomfort. I turned my eyes away from her quickly, not wanting to see the sadness and regret that usually filled them in my presence.

My voice seemed to have snapped the cord of thick tension in the room, and the pack turned back to the table, resuming low conversation. Jake did not move.

I stood, my discomfort growing under the constant heat of his gaze. The aged wooden floorboards creaked as I turned towards the door, intent on making a hasty excuse to exit when it banged open.

Sam stood in the doorway, his expression serious. The room dropped into silence once again, all traces of humor gone as Sam pushed past me and went to stand in front of the table. I shivered as a soft breeze floated in after him, swishing my dress lightly along my thighs.

"We've just had an emergency council meeting. There's been another one." Stress saturated his clipped tone as he began pacing the small space between the living room and kitchen. I puzzled over his announcement. How had so many of them slipped past us?

"We need to have more patrols. Longer ones, with more on duty." Jacob had finally spoken up, looking at Sam for confirmation.

"Exactly," Sam replied, absently walking over to where Emily sat and squeezing her shoulder affectionately. Their love came so naturally, so easily. I watched as his hand slipped down to the small of her back and she shifted her stance nearly imperceptibly, leaning into his touch.

"We need all the time you can spare, starting tonight. Jake and I will organize the shifts tomorrow, and we are going to add more during the daytime." Sam continued.

My heart faltered as I realized that this meant that I would be spending more copious amounts of time with the very people I tried to distance myself from.

"What about school?" Seth blurted, blushing as he realized that he had spoken out of turn. I felt a small, affectionate smile twitch at corner of my lips at my little brother's inability to hold his tongue.

"You'll go when you can," Sam sighed, returning to pacing. "The council has agreed that this is what is best for the tribe."

Sam continued talking, ordering more than half the pack - including myself - to begin patrolling that evening. As usual, his back was to me as he addressed the others, my presence fading into the background. I took the opportunity to slip out the still open front door and out into the perpetual rain that had resumed to drizzle outside. I pretended not to feel a pair of eyes on my retreating back - watching, knowing.

* * *

I walked up my front porch, watching the peeling white paint curl under the moisture. The front door was unlocked; a sign of Seth's forgetful habits. Our home, while slightly larger than Sam and Emily's, was still relatively small by normal standards. I creaked open the front door to reveal the small living room, which sat quiet and empty. The two tan couches, worn in from years of use, sat unoccupied, the morning's newspaper tossed haphazardly on one of the cushions. The small, dated television's screen was blank, its antennae held precariously together by strips of duct tape. The small, rickety coffee table had a heavy vase of fresh flowers from the garden sitting atop it, the strain evident from the way that it collapsed slightly inwards.

I walked over to the flowers, fingering a soft, pink petal as my thoughts strayed towards my mother. She had taken up gardening when my father had died as somewhat of a coping mechanism. I bit my lip to stifle the gasp of pain that struggled to make its way out at the memory of my father's death. _The death you caused,_ the darkness whispered.

Flashes of my broken family rushed through me until my mind settled on a memory of her in the first weeks after he passed. I had woken one day to find our home brimming with color, a multitude of flowers adorning every surface. I had found my mother alone in the kitchen, tears flowing over her cheeks as she hurriedly scooped up the dirt from a pot that had broken, attempting to gather the budding seeds that had scattered all over the tile.

In the midst of watching her desperate and jerky movements, I had finally realized that she had been trying to staunch the aura of death around our home by creating these miniature new lives. Each day she had added more, until the endless flow of flowers began to slowly ebb away. On the day that Seth and I had entered the kitchen to find a single vase sitting on the countertop, he had sighed in relief. But I knew better - it wasn't enough; it could never be enough, and my mother had realized that, too.

As I walked past the open kitchen doorway I spied Sue Clearwater herself, preparing dinner. Her silky black hair was pulled into a messy bun, sweat dotting her forehead as the simmering pot before her sent blasts of steam towards her face.

She looked up, sensing my presence. Smiling softly, she dropped the spoon she was stirring with and walked over to me before wrapping me in a tentative hug. I stood, unmoving, for a few moments before raising a hand and placing it on the small of her back. She pulled back, smiling at me again before turning back to the stove.

"Where's your brother?" She asked as she tossed random seasonings into the pot. I wrinkled my nose. Cooking was another thing my father had always done.

"Sam's," I said. "We're on patrol tonight. Don't wait up," I added, although we both knew she would.

She nodded, dipping a spoon into the pot and tasting its contents before making a face and unceremoniously dumping it into the garbage.

"Pizza?" She asked, gesturing towards the phone on the counter.

"Excellent choice," Jacob's deep voice spoke from just over my shoulder. My mother squealed in surprise, knocking the phone off the counter.

I spun around, an angry retort on my lips, when his hand latched onto my arm and he began to drag me toward the stairs.

"Hi, Sue!" He threw over his shoulder as he ignored my protests and attempts to retract my arm, easily overpowering me.

"Good evening to you too, Jacob." Her annoyed voice floated up after us.

He shoved me into my room, slamming the door shut behind us.

"What do you want?" I glared.

He glared back. "The truth."

"The truth about what?" I feigned ignorance.

"Don't play games with me, Leah."

"Then don't meddle in my business, _Jacob_." I crossed my arms over my chest in indignation.

"You made it my business when you-" He stopped short.

My anger flared, and I took a menacing step forward. "When I _what_?"

The tension in the room rose as the answer to my question suspended itself in the air above us.

"When you..." he hesitated.

"Remember when I told you to stay out of it?"

"We both knew that wouldn't last long." He reached out as if to touch me comfortingly, then drew back with a sigh.

"Don't pretend like you care." I snapped, stalking over to the window, my scowl deepening when I noticed that it had begun to pour outside.

"I do care," he said, sounding wounded.

"That's rich, coming from the guy who called me a bitch just last night." I looked away from the sad face reflected in the glass. It was a low blow - we'd both known that he'd meant it when he apologized.

He winced. "I'm sorry, I was just...stressed."

"Why can't you just leave it alone?" I said after a moment. " _Please_."

I felt him approach me from behind. "I don't know... I just..." He went silent. He smelled like fresh summer rain. It permeated my small room.

I looked up at him, my eyes pleading. I cursed myself inwardly, hating how vulnerable I was acting with him. I didn't hate him - not in the least.

"I just... I don't know." he finished.

I slowly turned to face him, studying the look in his eyes. They were filled with remorse, and a hint of something else.

At that moment, my door opened. We looked up, our trance broken.

"Why'd you take off?" Seth asked, eyes trained on his chest as he fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.

 _It's not like anyone would have noticed._ "Stomachache." I lied.

It was Jacob's turn to raise an eyebrow.

Seth grumbled as he did the buttons up unevenly. "Sam noticed. He always does."

"Right." Sam was the last person I wanted attention from.

"I happened to notice, too, you know." Jake said. He returned to looking at me, his eyes still swimming with an emotion that I couldn't quite identify.

Seth finally looked up, his eyes widening slightly as he took in Jacob. " _Jake_? What are you doing here?" he said.

Jacob raised his hand absently in greeting, waving off the question. "Your mom ordered pizza, you know."

Seth disappeared as fast as he had come.

Jacob smiled in satisfaction as the door closed behind him, turning his eyes back on me.

"We will talk about this, you know."

In that moment, I finally identified to emotion on his face. It was pity. My anger rose dangerously as I finally understood why he had been following me, why he had "cared" so much. He found me as pathetic as everyone else did. Pain throbbed deliriously inside of me, throwing itself against one person - Jacob.

"Get out of my room!" I shouted.

He looked at me in confusion before retreating, the look on my face making it clear that our conversation was over.

I slumped down against the now-closed door in defeat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Trigger warning for this chapter - light descriptions of a recollection of a past rape.**

* * *

 **TWO**

The smell of burnt porridge had turned the air in my home nearly toxic. I threw open the windows as I entered the living room, frightened of the mess I would soon encounter in the kitchen.

It did not disappoint. My mother stood by an open window, flapping a dishcloth wildly as she attempted to wave the dark gray wisps of smoke outside. Seth stood with one hand stretched towards the ceiling, covering the smoke alarm with a small towel. The blackened pot of food dangled precariously from his other hand. Hardened globs of food fell from it, thunking loudly onto the floor.

"Seth!" Sue scolded, pointing at the mess.

He titled it upright as he burst into a coughing fit. He made to cover his mouth with the hand covering the alarm before she screeched at him.

I walked over and began helping my mother wave the smoke out the window, returning her grateful smile with a small one of my own.

"So, what you are guys up to today?" My mother asked casually.

Seth and I looked at each other for a brief second, rolling our eyes at her attempt to make conversation.

"Well?" she prodded, her arms still working furiously at getting the smoke outside.

"I'm heading out with the guys." Seth spoke up.

I scoffed at his nonchalance. I happened to know that they were going cliff diving - an activity our mother strictly forbade.

"What are you guys doing?" She asked.

"Um..." Seth had never been a good liar.

I attempted to direct the conversation onto myself. "I think I'm going to head to the beach, maybe catch up on some reading."

It worked. "Did you get a chance to look at one of the college brochures I picked up?" My mother began talking about them animatedly as I threw a look at Seth. _You owe me one,_ I communicated silently, as he snuck out the door.

An hour later, I found myself walking along the beach, hard grains of sand and sharp pebbles digging into my bare feet. A chilly breeze drifted in from the water, ensuring that the area would be deserted for the day. The constant body heat was one of the few benefits I had as a wolf.

I stepped closer to the shoreline, letting the water lap refreshingly at my toes. Inhaling deeply, I allowed the salty smell of the ocean to overpower my senses before walking deeper into the water. It lapped at the edges of my jeans, weighing the material down heavily as I treaded deeper. Soon, my light tank top clung wetly to my figure. I submerged my entire body, leaving only my head exposed over the waves. Taking a deep breath, I dove.

The normally frigid water kissed my body comfortingly. I sunk deeper for a moment before beginning to swim leisurely towards my destination. The salt burned my nostrils, and the water was dark, making it nearly impossible to see. I continued to pump my limbs with fervor, feeling my way to my destination on instinct alone. A few minutes later, I tentatively moved my hands in front of me, feeling the large, jagged rocks rising up in front of me. Pressing my palms against one, I scrambled upwards until my head broke the surface.

Climbing over the wall of rocks quickly, I dove once more into the water on the other side of them. This time, I kept my head above the surface as I swam towards the small opening in the rocks that was made nearly invisible by the wall of water constantly hitting it. I went under again before resurfacing in a small cave.

Nature had eroded the rock down until it was reformed into smooth walls. They were coppery, darkening to shades of mahogany where the soft light spilling from outside did not touch. A high ledge ran the circumference of the cave, jutting out meters above the tide when it came in. I swam up to it, finding familiar hand holds as I made my way to the top. At this corner, the ledge sprawled out further, having formed a wide, flat area where the ceiling dipped lower. I stooped low as I stood up, dripping wet, before sitting down.

I listened for a moment, hearing only my steady my shallow breaths thrown back at me in soft echoes as they hit the walls.

And I started to cry.

My heavy, shuddering sobs intruded the calm air with the sounds of my mourning as I released the emotions I'd been holding in since my encounter with Jacob. Anger. Desperation. Frustration. Embarrassment. Anger, again. Why had I let him get so close, so dangerously close to unlocking the memories of that night that I'd held inside so steadfastly for so long? The memories of that horrible, awful night, of that horrible, awful man slithered forward as I let my practiced demeanor crumble. The walls threw the noises back at me angrily, as if punishing me for destroying the cave's serenity. I cried harder in response, watching the tears fall as they disappeared into the wetness of my clothing.

I felt myself fall sideways as my weeping steadied in tempo. The river of my tears gathered in front of me, quickly forming a small pool in an indent on the ground. I made no move the ebb the flow.

It was only when the golden glow of sunset made the walls glitter a burnished gold that I stirred. I sniffled noisily, not bothering to wipe away the tears that I know would soon be swallowed by the saltwater. Sliding feet first and dropping into the rising water below, I began my swim back to the shore.

By the time I finally emerged on the shore, it had begun to rain. I imagined it seeping into my skin, cleansing me of the sinister memories that I had nearly allowed to surface. The darkness wailed as I forced it to retreat to the depths of my mind that the pack could never reach.

Evening had crept up by the time I came in sight of my house. Dim orange light poured out of the front windows, shining around the outline of my mother as she stood there, undoubtedly waiting for mine and Seth's returns.

She pulled open the front door before I could turn the knob, her unbound hair tumbling around her concerned face in waves. She still wore her pristine scrubs, yet I knew she had likely never left for her shift. She opened her arms and I stepped into her embrace, my troubles forgotten as I pulled back to look into her eyes. They were dancing with fear.

"What's wrong?" I asked, reaching up to smooth the lines of worry creasing her face.

"Another one. It nearly crossed the treaty line. We've just had another council meeting," she said.

"Sam's taken the entire pack out on patrol. Where have you _been_? I was so worried-" she broke off, her eyes going distant. I knew what terrors her thoughts held, even though she did not voice them.

"I fell asleep reading." I lied smoothly, hoping she wouldn't notice that my hands lacked a telltale book.

She didn't, instead continuing to look through me as tears gathered beneath her eyes.

"Mom, I'm fine." I whispered, gently turning her head until her eyes focused on me once more.

She nodded vaguely and turned away, going to sit on the couch. The tears continued to shine, threatening to fall as she fell into a trance of despair.

I stood in the doorway, knowing that there was nothing I could do but let it pass. She reached forward and slipped a wilting flower out of the vase on the table, stroking it absently. Her thoughts had turned, once again, to my father.

"Mom..." I began, stopping short. My efforts would be fruitless. Sometimes her trances lasted minutes. Other times, they lasted for hours as she would step out into the garden and cry. She had yet to discover that despite her attempts to hide them, her anguished cries still reached Seth and I's sensitive ears.

"I'm going to change and go join the pack," I said, moving towards the stairs. "Don't wait up." I added.

To my surprise, she looked up at me. "Be safe," she said. Her voice trembled slightly despite her obvious efforts.

"I always am," I said.

I tried not to think about how vacant her answering smile had been as I retreated to my room.

The glow of tonight's full moon bathed the grass in an ominous blue light, the remnants of the evening rain twinkling on each blade. I walked up to the forest line, darkness surrounding me as I stepped past my open yard. Dropping my dress behind a bush, I phased.

My mind was was immediately assaulted by the thoughts of the entire pack. They were all gathered in a clearing some ways away, and I began to run to join them.

 _It ends here,_ Jared thought in frustration. _Just like all the others._

 _This makes no sense,_ thought Embry.

 _We're going to keep searching until it does._ Sam's decision was final; I could see the steely determination echoed in his thoughts.

Embry's sudden fear of the situation grew for moment before he quickly smothered it.

Sam let a trickle of the sadness he'd once felt at being a wolf slip to the forefront of his thoughts. _First and foremost, we are the protectors of this tribe._

Embry bowed his head, feeling ashamed at his thoughts.

 _We all have our fears,_ Jacob reminded him. _Or someone to fear for._ Flashes of the Swan girl's face filled our minds.

I had kept my mind blank until then, when I let thoughts of Seth and my mother materialize in my mind before I could hold them back.

 _Leah_! Seth acknowledged me in greeting.

 _Hey_ , I responded. I had reached the clearing quickly, padding out of the trees to find them standing loosely in a circle. Even then, it was obvious that Sam was the leader by the way they gravitated towards him, their great wolf eyes trained on their Alpha.

Only Sam nodded at me in acknowledgement while the others ignored me, continuing to strategize about the night's patrol. Except for Jacob, that is. As soon as I had entered the clearing, his eyes had snapped on to me like magnets, unmoving even as I shifted my gaze pointedly from his. His thoughts did not betray him, yet somehow I knew that he was thinking my abrupt dismissal of him a few nights prior. Thankfully, we hadn't had to patrol together since. Until now.

I turned my thoughts to the matter at hand before anyone could pick up on what was going through my mind.

 _-And Jacob, take Jared and Leah south, near the treaty line._ _See what you can find_. Sam finished, before turning and trotting off through the trees, the others following suit and dispersing in different directions. The three of us turned and made our way south, moving leisurely through the dark forest. It was quiet and seemingly leech-free.

Jared's thoughts strayed to Kim, sprouting visions of her in my mind that I would rather never have seen.

 _Cut it out!_ I thought, growling in his direction.

 _Sorry_ , he thought back, attempting to rein in the memories and failing miserably.

Jacob sniggered, letting his mind stray to the Swan girl once again.

 _Really?_ I glared, and he lolled his long, pink tongue out at me ridiculously.

We continued along in silence for a long while. We spread out slowly, although they were all still visible to me through my wolf eyes.

 _I think I hear something,_ Jacob's ears perked up. The wind had carried a laugh towards him from the distance. Jared and I drew closer, our ears perked as well. We moved slowly towards the sound, cautious and alert. There had been too many accidental sightings of us in recent times, and hunters had made a sport of hunting down the infamous giant wolves.

The noise increased in tempo until we could made out the sound of the loud crackling of a bonfire.

 _Go check it out_ , Sam ordered, picking up on our thoughts.

I bristled in irritation. _It's probably nothing._

 _Let's just go,_ Jacob thought.

I huffed as we moved in the direction of the noise, that faded into voices. As usual, I pulled ahead of Jacob and Jared easily, being the fastest in the pack.

Be careful, Sam warned, knowing it was likely that they were a group of the hunters we had been avoiding so studiously.

I picked up the orange glow of the bonfire as we bounded towards the noise, the crackling of the fire growing louder as I drew closer. I stopped in the shadows nearby, observing.

There were three men standing loosely around a fire in a small clearing. One was tall and lanky, his hair cropped short against his head. His arms were gesturing wildly as he told a story to the others who were clutching their stomachs in fits of laughter.

"There's no way man." The one who spoke was shorter and slightly chubby.

"I don't believe you!" The third man wheezed, bursting into laughter again. I vaguely recognized his distinct head of bushy hair from high school, although his name escaped me.

"I swear on my life," the storyteller retorted. "It dragged me at least twenty feet before I finally shot it." He lifted the leg of his cargo pants, exposing a long, white bandage that was crusted with dried blood.

So they were hunters. I looked more closely at the area they stood in. The telltale glint of a rifle shone among their discarded backpacks on the far side of the fire.

"Knowing you, you probably fell on your own knife." The chubby one spoke again, exchanging a look with the bushy-haired man before they burst into laughter yet again.

The tall one scowled, brandishing a flask from his pocket and taking a long swig.

I could feel the rest of the pack watching the conversation through my eyes with mild interest. Heavy footsteps signaled the approach of a fourth person. I bristled slightly as a familiar smell invaded my nostrils, tugging at the memories I had locked deep within. I stepped back apprehensively.

 _You all right?_ Seth's voice interrupted my thoughts.

 _Fine_ , I swallowed thickly as the person drew closer, dread rising within me. _What's wrong with you?_ _It's probably nothing._ I chided myself, shaking my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts, carefully veiling anything that would give away even a hint of what I had been hiding from the pack for so long. Seth's question had further aroused the interest of the pack, and now they were all focused on me with rapt attention. I swallowed the swell of anxiety I felt rising in my throat and pushed forward.

A man stepped into the clearing, his tall, thickly muscled frame shrouded in shadow. He took another step into the light.

Immediately and unavoidably, panic erupted within me in an inferno of memories I had tried to suppress for so long.

Sam's face flashed across my memories first, his eyes sorrowful, yet hard and unwavering as he clutched my arms, desperate for me to understand that we were over. My mind had fragmented the night into pieces that had replayed moments from it until they had taken over my nightmares, replaying each fragment like a broken record in my nightmares. Now, the record had repaired itself and spun dizzyingly fast, exposing the true events of that night quicker than I could attempt to stop it.

In the next memory, I was running, off to the beach, crying so hard that my vision blurred.

The pack mind had erupted into a cacophony of noise, yet their desperate shouts fell into the background as I desperately tried to keep the eruption of memories at bay.

The men looked up, startled as I burst through the trees, running around dizzyingly fast as I panicked.

 _No, no, no, nonono_. His cold, hard eyes hovering over me. Hands...hands _everywhere_. Fabric ripping, my screams filling the night air. His face - _this_ face - everywhere, _everywhere_.

The men screamed, scattering, as I bounded directly through the fire, it's white hot flames singeing through my fur down to my skin. I howled in pain and horror as I found myself face to face with my attacker. His eyes now bore the same terror I was certain mine had held that night, and I screamed inwardly, letting out a long howl that had him screaming and running off into the forest.

I felt myself spinning around and running deep into the forest away from the clearing, attempting to escape the memories. They followed me, a mass of dangerous, clawing hands and screaming sobs until I felt the air clenching around me in the haze of panic.

Somewhere, far beyond the pain consuming my thoughts, I felt the pack buckling under my pain, too.

 _PHASE, NOW!_ Sam bellowed, cutting through my thoughts as I was forced to obey, sprawling to forest floor in my human form and dissolving into tears. Even his command had been laced with pain, the words nearly stuttered as the haze of my agony permeated the minds of the pack.

Then, blissfully, there was nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE**

I woke to two shadows looming over me in a dark room. Their voices were hushed, but somehow they roared like a river in my ears. I strained my ears to hear over the throbbing pain in my skull. My eyes felt heavy and nearly impossible to open, much as the rest of my body refused to respond to my commands.

I made out a male voice. "How is she?" The left side of my body tingled and itched, and I longed to scratch at the pain.

"We can't keep her out for much longer. We'll need to keep her under constant sedation until...well." A second male voice responded. The room was permeated with the sickeningly distinct scent of what could only be a leech.

The door opened with a small click and light footsteps signaled the entry of a third person.

"Any changes?" This voice was female. I felt her approach the bed and the blanket thrown over me was pulled up higher.

"Not since she stopped screaming," The first male voice responded, his tone tense. "I'm not sure which is worse."

A small hand smoothed itself over my forehead. There was a sudden strange wetness on my cheek that I could not identify. I yearned to be able to reach up and examine it.

"Why did this happen to her... _why_?" The woman spoke, her voice breaking. I strained until I felt a finger respond to my urging, twitching slightly.

At my movement, the voices in the room stopped speaking abruptly, and I heard footsteps move closer and stop beside the bed, fiddling with...something. Soon, I felt a cold trickle in my veins, and the itch in my side slowly started to fade.

"I'm so sorry, Leah," The woman whispered.

At the mention of my name, the irresistible lull of sleep reared up once more and pulled me under.

* * *

Somehow I knew I was there, and yet, at the same time, I wasn't.

I knew I was because I could hear him talking. I didn't know who he was, precisely, but I knew that he cared. And he smelled like rain. He was whispering to me in soft tones, murmuring indistinct things that my fragile mind could not understand. I felt his presence everywhere, opening something inside of me and pulling it close. I clung it it, and somehow I suspected he clung to me as well.

And that was how I knew I wasn't truly _there_. Where my suspicions could have been confirmed as fact, I felt no telltale pressure on my hand, heard no comforting words in my ears. Instead, I hovered somewhere in between, pulling desperately at the anchor his voice had become. He could not hear me - he could not _feel_ me. I waited in quiet melancholy for his presence to disappear.

But he never did.

* * *

The next time I woke, I was able open my eyes. The light that filtered in through the closed curtains was a muted grey, adding a veil of gloom to the room. The room was sparsely decorated with furniture in a cedar that matched the wooden floor. I knew this room - it was Sam and Emily's. There were soft snores coming from somewhere off to my right, and I longed to twist and identify the other person in the room.

It was a long while before I found the strength to sit up, intent on identifying the other occupant of the room. My arms were weak from lack of use, and I slid uselessly back down into the heap of blankets surrounding me. My left side flared in pain, and I must have made a noise, because the snores stopped abruptly and were replaced by heavy footsteps as the person drew nearer.

My curiosity quickly turned into incredulity once I realized that the person was none other than Jacob Black.

He opened his mouth as if to say something before closing it once again. I blinked slowly, wondering if he would disappear the moment I reopened them. He didn't. Instead, he stared at me, wide-eyed, hunched over me in a position that made it appear as if he were anticipating a sudden movement from me.

"What-" I tried to speak, but it resulted in a deep cough that burned in my chest. My fingers merely fluttered as I attempted to clutch at it.

Jacob's hand was suddenly on my chin, tilting my head forward as he held a small cup of water at my lips. Although the refreshment was welcome, I choked anyway. What little water there was ended up on the sheets and Jacob's bare chest as I sputtered.

Instead of pulling away, he drew closer, pulling me into a more upright position and patting my back gently. Eventually, my coughing subsided and I sagged into him as his pats turned into gentler strokes. Sensing my discomfort at his touch, he pulled away until only my head rested on his shoulder, his arm on my waist as he held me up. We sat like this for a long while, silent and unmoving.

"Why are you here?" I finally whispered into his neck. I couldn't say why I had let him hold me like this, when touch was usually foreign and unwelcome for me. I attempted to wriggle out of his grasp.

"Because you are." He replied simply, ignoring my efforts to free myself.

"You can let go now," I said.

"I know." I could almost feel him smirking above me.

I huffed in response. I felt him chuckle before the weight gripping me was suddenly gone and I found myself buried in the thick mound of blankets tangled on the bed once again. I opened my mouth to squeak in surprise and instead received a mouthful of cotton. Jacob's chuckle had now escalated into full blown laughter and he scooped me up once again, grinning madly.

"Not. Funny." I articulated carefully, grimacing at the lingering taste of cotton on my tongue.

He grinned even wider before loosening his grip once more and laying me back down, gently this time. He propped some pillows under my head all the while studying me carefully, a half-smile lingering on his features. I scowled, frustrated at my weakened limbs.

"What is it?" I snapped after a few more moments of this, feeling unnerved under his scrutinizing gaze.

"I never realized how much you meant to us before." His voice had dropped an octave, and his features matched the seriousness of his tone.

The tension that had seemingly become a permanent fixture in our conversations had returned. Instead of hovering above us, it had spread until it _was_ the air. It swam through me dangerously, choking and constricting.

I felt my walls force themselves back up as flashes of what I last remembered before ending up here played through my mind. Oh. Oh. _Oh._ I turned my face to the headboard, tracing the swirling patterns in the wood as I avoided Jacob's ever-penetrating gaze.

"Leah…" he started.

 _Don't._ I wanted to say back, but the words couldn't come. I breathed deeply, begging the tears that threatened to fall to stay at bay.

"What happened to you…" Jacob started again. I felt myself tense as the painful memories plucked at my heartstrings.

 _Stop._ My inner voice shouted, yet I continued to remain silent. My eyes were roving over the wood faster now as I attempted to quell the emotion rising within me.

"I just…" he continued. This time, his voice was shaking.

 _Please._ I begged again. I remained mute as my soul screamed. The room had begun to blur as I felt my eyes stinging.

"I want you to know that it broke me, too." he finished.

The tears scalded as they fell, etching reminders of my shame onto my face. Where I had once been calm, I was now faced with all that I had hidden so well for so long.

His fingertips grazed my cheek, and I shuddered. Soon enough, the shudder morphed into an involuntary sob. Even as I turned my head further into my pillow, his hand followed as he moved his fingers up and down, smearing my tears. In any other situation, I would have laughed at his cautious attempt to comfort me.

"We do care, you know."

Somehow, despite my breakdown, I found the ability to snort at this.

"Leah, look at me."

"No," I said, the pillow muffling my voice.

His response was to pull me up by the shoulders and turn me to face him. I flushed in embarrassment. No one had ever seen me this...vulnerable. Not even my mother.

I turned my face away and sniffled. Jacob materialized a tissue and used it to blot at my cheeks before holding it over my nose.

I turned to look at him, puzzled for a moment. He nodded at the tissue expectantly.

My looked quickly turned to outrage. "I am _not_ -" I started before he pinched my lips firmly shut.

"Just do it."

I continued to glare at him in defiance.

"You are aware that we really do have all day, right?"

"Mmph," I tried to retort, but failed due to his hand that remained in place.

Mustering the dirtiest look I could, I blew noisily into the tissue.

"Better." He said, smirking as he finally removed his fingers from my mouth.

"I am not some weak child that needs to be coddled at every moment!"

"But you are our sister, and it's time we started acting like it."

I paused my rant at his words. They had called each other brothers, but none except Seth had ever called me sister. The concept of being cared for was...odd. I tested the word on my tongue, attempting to grasp the concept in my mind.

"You act like you've never heard the word before." Jacob's eyes were downcast.

 _Because I haven't. Not from you._

"I know things have been..." he hesitated. "Tense since you joined the pack. I'm sorry that we never fully...understood one another." He looked up at me, waiting for a response.

I gave none.

"Now that things have...changed..." He drifted off.

 _Meaning now that you know,_ I thought bitterly.

"We're here for you, Leah," He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. "Always."

"You really need to stop doing that," I huffed. "I can move my head on my own, thank you very much."

We both looked towards the door as footsteps approached. It opened moments later, and my breath caught.

Seth.

He was haggard in appearance. His hair flopped messily into his face, which was etched with telltale dark bags under his eyes. What was most startling, however, were his eyes themselves. They were haunted, masking his easy humor. His eyes slowly raised to meet mine and I quickly cast them downwards, unwilling to face what I knew would be reflected in his.

Jacob pulled away from me and stood up, making his way to the door. He squeezed Seth's shoulder briefly before disappearing into the hall.

I refused to make eye contact even as felt him move closer until he stood in front of me. I looked at his hands instead, which were clenched tightly at his sides. They were trembling slightly, the skin at his knuckles pale as it was pulled taught. A drop of moisture hit my thigh, darkening a spot on the flimsy nightgown I wore. I vaguely recognized as one of Emily's it from a shopping trip we had had well over a year ago. Another droplet hit the lace edging, tickling my thigh with its warmth. I looked up, startled as I realized that the droplets were tears. Seth's tears.

His face was bent low, his hair hiding his expression. Somehow, I found my weakened arms reaching up and tugging him forward until I had him wrapped in an awkward embrace. I pushed his hair aside and met his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

 _How I could I?_ I wanted to say, but remained silent.

"All this time…" he choked on his words. "All this time and I didn't know."

I tried to say comforting words, but they would not come.

"I didn't know," He continued. "I didn't know and I didn't do anything - I couldn't do anything - because I didn't know. But I should have known, I should have known, but I was so wrapped up in myself and I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I didn't know…"

I swallowed thickly. "Seth, I didn't want you to know. I'm your big sister," My voice broke. " I'm the one who is supposed to take care of _you._ "

Seth began to sob quietly, taking my hand and gripping it tightly.

"No Leah," his voice was chock full of pain and despair. It broke my heart. "We're supposed to take care of each other. If you hurt, it hurts me, too." He looked into my eyes, his own still shining with tears.

The pain reflected in them forced a sudden onslaught of tears from my own eyes, his features blurring as I tried to focus. He shifted us around and he was soon holding me tightly around the shoulders.

"You're my sister," his breaths were shaky. "You're my _sister_."

I swallowed, biting my lip.

"You're my sister and went through all of that and I didn't know," his voice was growing hysterical. "He _hurt_ you and you were in so much pain. I was right downstairs when you were in pain, I was _right there_ , _right there_ , and I didn't know. I didn't know and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,"

His head was once again resting on my shoulder, and his sobs were even louder.

 _I want you to know that it broke me, too._ Jacob's words echoed painfully in my mind. I patted Seth's head gently as I wondered who else it had broken.

* * *

Some hours later, I woke to find myself tangled in the sheets and alone once again. I vaguely remembered resting on Seth's shoulder with the vibrations of his sobs slowly rocking me to sleep. Stretching and sighing, I swung myself around slowly until my feet hit the cold wood floor.

I took a few tentative steps forward, wincing at the seemingly ever-present pain in my side. I rubbed it, surprised to find rough skin there. I moved slowly over to the long mirror propped up in the corner, and gasped loudly at what I saw.

The entire left side of my skin was covered in blistered, puckered skin. It itched and burned to the touch as I ran a disbelieving finger over it. It began on my cheek, criss-crossing my skin angrily, disappearing in my nightgown. I twisted, examining where it re-appeared under the nightgown's short hem, tracing the marred skin all the way down to my ankle.

"Oh my god," I breathed. What had happened? I racked my brain for answers before I recalled flashes of pain as the bullets had struck me, burning fur, the painful sear of my skin as I dashed through the fire…

I found myself pitching dangerously forward towards the floor, my limbs unnaturally heavy, before I suddenly wasn't. Instead, I was being held up by a familiar pair of strong arms once again.

"You need to rest, Leah," he said sternly as he lay me back down on the bed, to my obvious discontent. How had I not noticed Jacob's approach in my panic? "You have tons of morphine in your system - even for a werewolf."

"I can't stay like this forever. I need to-" his hand clamped over my mouth.

"I don't care. You've been out for days; what you need is _rest_." he held me firmly by the shoulders, barring me from rising.

"What happened to me?" I whispered once he had lain me back safely in the bed.

"You…" Jacob's eyes searched my own. "You were... burning... for a while. It was… bad." He fingered a singed end of my hair.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply for a moment. "What… happened? After... I…." I trailed off.

"We...we had to call the leech doctor," Jacob said, looking away. "We kept you under for a week, making sure your body was healing properly. "We weren't sure you were going to make it, Leah," he added in a whisper.

He took my hand then, his thumb rubbing nervous circles on the back of my hand. I thought of a thousand things to say, stopping short of opening my mouth each time, knowing that I lacked the courage to broach dangerous territory.

"Where's Seth?"

"Out on patrol," he said, sounding tense. "He said to tell you that he would be back soon, though." His eyes were guarded, but I decided not to push the subject.

"Why are you here?" I looked up at him, but he continued to look down at the hand that he held.

"Because I want to be."

"And what if I don't want you to be here?" I teased quietly, hoping it would dissipate the tension of things unsaid in the room.

Jacob took the bait, snorting a short laugh. "You really think I care?"

My responding glare elicited a small chuckle.

I felt the bed creak as Jacob shifted his weight. "Listen, Leah. I was serious when I said things were going to change. We really do care about you, even though we didn't show it before. Which is why I'm changing that - right now." I heard him rustling before an odd shuffling noise sounded from nearby. Curious, I peeked over at Jacob before scoffing at the object in his hands.

"You're not serious," I said incredulously.

He shook the rectangular box in question, making the shuffling noise once more. "I'm dead serious."

"I don't even like Scrabble."

"You'll learn." He pulled the lid off of the box and began balancing the contents on a small patch of the quilt between us.

"You know, maybe I will take that nap you so highly recommend-"

"Nice try, Leah," he cut me off, opening the small pouch in his hands and tipping a handful of tiles into his palm. "We both know that sleep is the last thing on your mind, so we're going to play. Now sit up." He held the pouch out the me expectantly.

I crossed my arms in what I hoped was a stern stance. He raised an eyebrow, still holding the pouch out to me.

Sighing in resignation, I reached out and took it.

* * *

We played for hours. Jacob's patience grew as the time passed, much to my frustration. Yet a strange calamity had descended over us, tentatively weaving the seams of our newfound companionship.

The soft rays of dusk had begun to leak through the window before we paused to eat. I could hear the voices of Emily and several pack members talking quietly outside, although no one approached the room. I wondered how long they would continue to tiptoe around me like a fragile, broken thing.

I felt Jacob gazing at me, and I turned my eyes from the door, picking at my sandwich.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he said as if having read my thoughts. "I can make sure that no one mentions it. Ever."

I was struck momentarily by the protective tone in his voice. "I know," I whispered back.

He nodded and returned to chewing.

"Jake, I… I just wanted to..." _Thank you,_ I wanted to say, but the words would not come.

"I know," he said simply, looking up and holding my gaze. I attempted to smile back, although it came out as more of a grimace. From downstairs, I could hear heavy footsteps begin to make their way up towards us.

Our eyes never left each other, and we sat for long moments, staring at one another. We ignored the approaching footsteps until the door slammed open, revealing an somber-looking Sam.


	4. Chapter 4

**FOUR**

Sam's entire body was tense, and his eyes were dark.

"Jake," he started, but Jacob merely stood and, with a nod, exited the room.

"What's going on?" I pulled a blanket around my shoulders, suddenly aware of the amount of skin my nightgown exposed.

Sam sighed before answering. "It's your mother. She's been trying to see you, but we know you probably aren't ready to see anyone yet..."

I swallowed. _Sue_. Of course she knew. Everyone did.

Sam must have seen the emotion flicker across my face, for he was soon seated where Jacob had been sitting moments before. His presence felt foreign, and I shifted away.

"Are you-"

"Ok?" I cut him off. "What do you think?"

He paused and bowed his head ashamedly. "Do you want to ta-"

I cut him off again. "You know I don't, Sam."

He ran his hands over his closely cropped hair. "But I do. I need to."

"Not now, Sam. Not yet," My hair had grown long enough that it partially shielded my face from view as I stared into my lap.

"Please," His voice was strangled.

"Not now, Sam." _Not ever_.

"Leah, I'm-"

"I don't need another person telling me that they're sorry!" I already knew what everyone was thinking. Jacob's attempts hadn't completely distracted me from the voices that my wolf hearing could pick up whispering downstairs, full of pity and remorse for me.

Sam was silent for a few moments.

"I didn't know, Leah."

The anger and resentment I had let build uncoiled. "No one knew, Sam. That was the point - _no was supposed to know_!"

I had struck a nerve. The darkness in Sam's face deepened for a moment before he smoothed it and looked into my eyes.

"But I should have known." There was something in his voice - something _raw_ , that made me stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"I hurt you, I hurt you so so bad," Sam swallowed before continuing. "I did so many things wrong, so, _so_ many things that I can't even begin to apologize for the suffering I've caused you."

I wanted to tell him that I didn't hate him. That I couldn't blame him. That the resentment I had been torturing the pack with for months had been a ruse, covering up how I really felt - what had really happened.

"What if I had checked on you more? Why did we assume that you just needed some space when you were actually..." He buried his hands in his hair, closing his eyes as his voice broke. "I didn't want any of this, not for you, Leah, you deserve the world, and I…"

My hand reached out instinctively, hovering over his head for a moment before I pulled it back. For a moment, it had almost felt like just the two of us once again, but I couldn't ignore the weight of the past year pulling us under.

He calmed under my touch. "You could have talked to someone - anyone." _You could have talked to me,_ his eyes pleaded.

"And said what? To whom? My best friend happened to be too busy shacking up with you."

Sam's face darkened once again. I regretted nothing.

"Things weren't meant to turn out this way, they just _did_ ," I continued softly. "Which is why we need to _move on_."

"But are you ready to move on?" His voice was almost a whisper.

"Does it matter?" I whispered back. _I want my life back,_ is what I wanted to say, but I knew that the words would only torture him more.

The door opened then, and Emily's telltale ebony mane fell through before her face appeared. Her eyes looked oddly brighter and more innocent than usual. I felt a pang in my chest as I looked into the face I had once loved as a sister. She smiled at me hesitantly before turning to Sam.

There was a silent moment of awkwardness, and I idly wondered when the three of us had last been in a room together. Finally, Emily cleared her throat.

"Billy just called," she said. "They're meeting in an hour." Sam sighed and stood, grazing his fingers over my exposed shoulder before ducking past Emily and out the door. She hovered for a few moments, opening and closing her mouth before pulling the door open again. We both knew that there was nothing she could say, nothing she could do to heal the pain that she had caused me. Especially now, when she was living out every aspect of the life that was supposed to be mine.

My father used to say that we were all victims of circumstance. In that instant, I couldn't have agreed more.

* * *

The late afternoon sun was rapidly disappearing below the horizon before I heard voices approaching the house again.

As they grew closer, I attempted to tune them out by counting the floorboards. I didn't recognize the dominant voice until the arguers reached the front porch, the creaking of its wooden beams signaling their arrival. I sat up in horror moments before none other than Sue Clearwater strode through the front door and began bounding determinedly up the stairs, followed closely by a protesting Emily. My mother burst through the door a moment later, Emily hot on her heels.

Upon seeing that she had been followed, my mother turned and glared at Emily. "You might be my niece, Emily, but if you try and stop me from speaking with my daughter I _will_ forcibly remove you from this room." Her voice held a strength that I had not heard since before my father's death.

Emily looked at me worriedly, but retreated.

I swallowed in the sudden silence. Silence was her weapon. I looked up, expecting her to be levelling me with a glare that would soon force me to retell the series of repressed memories that had lead to this moment.

What I found was worse. She stood, frozen, in the middle of the room, arms outstretched as if to embrace me.

Her eyes were glassy.

I stood hesitantly, before rushing over and embracing her. Even as my arms closed around her, hers slackened and fell to her sides. I held her tighter, wishing I could suck the tension out of her body.

"I know how you feel, Leah," Her voice was so low that it could have been mistaken for a breath.

"No you don't," I murmured into her hair.

She pulled back and looked into my eyes, her own blazing with a dark intensity. Reflected in her irises was pain as acute as mine.

"But I do, Leah," She said, gripping my arms tightly. "I know _exactly_ how you feel." Tears began to gather in her eyes and I pulled her close, reeling as I took in the gravity of her words.

I had never once heard her cry. Her sobs were so foreign to me. Even as her own family passed, she had held herself together, mourning in still silence. And when our own family had slowly began to shatter, she had remained still, her silence the only thing that kept Seth and I from shattering as well.

Now, it felt like the weight of years of hurt were being poured into these tears. The pain I heard was so acute I could nearly feel it myself.

Minutes later, her tears subsided and she spoke. "I was right there, and I didn't even notice you," she said, her voice chock full of heartbreak.

"I didn't want to be noticed," I lied.

"My poor baby," she cried again, pulling me close. "My baby girl," she sobbed into my shoulder.

"Your father saved me from my pain… he saved me and I've never stopped loving him." Her eyes flew into sharp focus, once again fixing on mine. "But who saved you, Leah?"

I felt my throat beginning to close slightly as tears welled up behind my eyes.

"No one saved you," she whispered, her voice breaking. " _I should have saved you_." This time, it was her that pulled me closer, and my tears that soaked her shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

**Trigger warning for this chapter - mention of suicide.**

 **Also, thank you all for the lovely reviews! They really make me feel so amazing as a writer.**

* * *

 **FIVE**

"I'm always here for you baby," Sue murmured a long while later as my tears began to subside. "Always." She ghosted a kiss on my forehead before stepping back.

I nodded mutely, dragging the backs of my hands over my tear-stained cheeks. She smiled briefly before turning to exit the room. "I'll be back tomorrow," She assured me.

I relished the sudden silence, grateful that my mother understood that in that moment, what I needed most was to be alone with my thoughts. But the thoughts in question were dangerous. Too dangerous to ponder. Shivering slightly, I slipped under the covers, hoping for a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I dreamt that I was in my cave. I was perched on the ledge, looking down into the water. The water itself was a dark, churning mass. It spat up at me, crashing hard against the cave walls. I shrank back, my palms sliding on the slick rock. A sudden wind invaded the small space, throwing droplets of water at me so hard that it burned. My entire body was overcome by a deep chill. Gone was the perpetual warmth I had had since becoming a wolf - I felt almost _human_.

I scrambled further back onto the ledge, as the water spat higher. I was suddenly acutely aware of the way sharp pebbles punctured my sensitive skin as the cold stabbed at me from every angle. Shivering, I shrank back further. I wrapped my arms around myself, clutching at my rapidly freezing limbs. A fierce wind invaded the cave, whipping water droplets higher into the air.

The water had risen higher, and was now licking the edges of the ledge, threatening to spill over onto the ledge. I pressed backwards once again, my palms meeting something clammy and cold. I twisted around sharply, my eyes widening. The cave wall was _moving_. A dark substance crawled across it, its long tendrils reaching for me. One was curled around my hands, filling me with a burning cold that pulsed painfully as it invaded my already chilled body. I attempted to snatch my hand away, pulling at the mass as it enveloped my arms tighter.

The water was licking my toes now, crashing hard over the ledge. I screamed in pain as it, too, invaded me as the darkness had, violently tearing through my body. As I tried to pull myself away, it held me all the tighter, exhausting my limbs with the effort. I looked around frantically as panic rose within me. Instead, I found that the water had risen above my head, a hard, black mass. I managed one last scream before it bore down, swallowing me whole.

My eyes shot open as I found my body being held down by a hard mass. I thrashed and screamed, still feeling the piercing cold travelling through my limbs.

"Leah!" Someone was shouting in the background. My screams nearly drowned them out.

A large hand clamped over my mouth, muffling the sound.

"Leah!" another voice sounded.

I continued to panic, my eyes flying all over the room, unable to focus on one thing.

"Leah," the first voice spoke again, and this time I could identify it as female. "Leah, please," The voice was fearful. My lungs burned as I continued to scream under the hand that stayed firmly put.

"I need you to stop screaming, _please_." It was Emily. Her face swam into focus, hovering inches above mine. She fluttered her small hands over the parts of my face the big hand covering my mouth did not reach. My exhausted lungs acquiesced as my body finally began to respond to me, and I stilled my screams.

"Jared," Emily said, nodding. The big hand left my mouth. I looked over at Jared, whose eyes were filled with an equal amount of fear as Emily's. Our eyes met, and in that moment I understood what Jacob had meant by the word "sister". His eyes were wide with concern. Concern for _me_. I buried my face in my hands lest he see me cry. I found it already wet with the remnants of my nightmare, and lowered them instead. My limbs still felt heavy and unsteady, and I knew that sometime in the night I'd received yet another large dose of morphine.

"Jared, do you mind giving us a few moments?" Emily's voice broke our trance, and he nodded at me once before ducking out the door.

"Leah," Emily's took on a motherly tone that she hadn't used with me for years. Her fingers intertwined with my limp ones that lay at my side. "I'm so sorry, Leah."

I looked down at our fingers, feeling too weak to pull mine away.

"I'm getting really sick of hearing that," I croaked, my voice weak from screaming.

"Sor-" Emily paused, catching herself on the word.

"Sorry. _I get it_." I finished for her, turning my face away.

"I'm not here to upset you, Leah," She smoothed her other hand over my forehead, moving my sweat-dampened hair off of my forehead. I heard the water sloshing before her hand returned to my forehead, this time dragging a damp towel across it. "I just want to be here for you, in any way that I can."

She tugged my chin until I faced her. "Please, Leah. I just need you to put away your differences, just for now. Please just let me in," she begged, her eyes glistening in the soft moonlight coming through the window. "Please."

I closed my eyes, blocking out her hurt expression.

"You don't get it," I whispered after a few moments of silence.

"But I want to," Emily whispered back.

I opened my eyes, too weak to smooth it over with the indifferent mask I had adopted. Our eyes met, and I watched as a tear streaked down the mangled side of her face, disappearing into her scar. I reached up impulsively and stroked the place the tear had hit, my fingertip brushing against the hardened tissue that marred her beautiful features.

"I have scars too," I breathed so quietly that I wasn't sure it had reached her ears.

Her eyes never left mine. Tears were flowing freely now, the moisture cool as it brushed my fingertips.

"You never truly hated Sam, did you?" I could feel the real question burning behind her blurred eyes.

 _I never truly hated you, either_. I shook my head slowly.

"You hated _him_ ," Emily trailed off. "I'm so sorry, Leah," She murmured, tucking herself into the bed at my side.

It felt like a weight had been lifted off of me, and the pressure of the trauma that had held me down for so long had finally begun to ease.

This time when I slept, the waves were peaceful.

* * *

I woke up to the sensation of something cool flicking my cheek. I twisted towards the source of my discomfort.

"Stop it," I muttered, my mouth half-muffled by my pillows.

In return, cool things began to come faster, slapping hard against my cheek.

"Stop," I moaned, cracking open an eyelid in time to see a dark object whizzing towards my face. I clamped my eye shut just before the object bounced off of my forehead.

A familiar laugh rumbled from across the room.

"Go _away_ Jake," I groaned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. The spot Emily had occupied the night before was empty, the mess of pillows the only indication that anyone had been there previously.

Jake chucked another grape across the room, this time hitting me in the forehead. " _Jake_ ," I warned, glaring.

"Leah," he mocked, allowing the next grape to hit my pursed lips.

"It helps if you actually eat them, you know," he smirked, laughter dancing in his eyes.

"What do you want, Jacob?" I sank into the pillows, feeling a lone grape squish beneath me.

He shrugged in response, aiming a steady flow of grapes at my firmly closed mouth.

"You're cleaning this u-" My sentence was cut short as a grape found its mark, lodging itself in my throat. I choked loudly, clutching at my throat.

Jacob crossed the room in two long strides, scooping me up and dislodging the grape from my throat in one smooth movement.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. His arm held me firmly to his chest, letting my legs dangle off the ground.

"You can put me down now," I sighed.

"I know," he said. I could feel him smirking into my hair. "Your hair smells nice," he added, breathing deeply. Moments passed and I watched my feet continue to dangle, whilst Jacob's nose stayed buried in my hair.

"You can let me down any minute now, Jake," I said, shifting uncomfortably.

"Mmhmm," He hummed, slowly lowering me onto the bed.

I cleared my throat. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, planting my feet on the cool wooden floor. Bracing myself, I made to stand up when strong hands planted themselves on my shoulders, stopping me from moving.

"Where are you going?" Jacob asked.

"Out, clearly," I made to move around him, and he blocked my movements.

"Out _where_?"

"Out of here." I ducked under his hands. My knees buckled, sending me sprawling onto the rug ungracefully.

Jacob chortled behind me.

"Shut up," I mumbled into the rug.

He pulled me upright, steadying my weak legs. "You sure you want to leave?"

"I've been stuck here for days, Jake," I said. "I'm going to go stir crazy."

He sighed. "At least let me come with you then."

"Like an _escort_?" I said incredulously.

"Think of me as friendly companion."

"I do not need to be babysat, Jacob." I fumed, attempting to step around him. I swayed a bit before catching his outstretched arm in defeat.

"I just a little bit to stretch my legs, is all," I said matter of factly, attempting another step.

"Right," Jake rolled his eyes. "It'll be like I'm not there. Except when you're about to pass out, I mean."

I glared in response. He watched me walk in unsteady circles, slowly regaining control of my weakened limbs.

"I need clothes," I realized aloud.

"Emily's might fit," Jacob gestured at the closet.

I frowned. "I'd rather wear my own things, Jake."

Jacob sighed. "I suppose I could go grab you some," he said. " _If_ you promise to stay here." he added sternly.

I nodded, perching myself obediently on the edge of the bed. "I promise," I said, smiling sweetly.

Jacob sighed again before ducking out the door.

I stayed seated until I heard the front door close behind him before stretching experimentally, crossing to the window when I was satisfied that I wouldn't buckle again. I flipped the latch open and pushed at the glass experimentally. It was shut tight. I pressed harder, feeling it slowly give way to the pressure until it had made an opening small enough for me to shimmy through.

My top half was hanging out the window when I heard a familiar rustling and padding of paws moving through the forest. _Jacob_. Panicking, I attempted to slip back inside, only to feel my nightgown catch stubbornly on the latch. I pulled at it desperately as my wolf hearing picked up the rapidly approaching wolf. Moments later, a russet brown wolf trotted up to the window, clutching a pile of fabric in its muzzle.

"Gross, Jake!" I moaned, staring at the saliva coating my clothing.

His response was to drop the clothing in a heap onto the grass, lolling out his long tongue playfully.

"You knew I was going to try and get out this way, didn't you?" I glared at him.

He nodded his wolf head. I scowled as he stuck his tongue out once more.

"Just help me down, Jake." The massive amounts of morphine I'd been given lingered in my veins, making me feel weak and sluggish even after minimal exertion.

He nudged me back inside, making me catch a mouthful of fur. My nightgown ripped loudly before I found myself in a heap on the rug once again. My saliva soaked clothing followed soon after, landing on top of me.

"Thanks!" I shouted sarcastically, walking over and slamming the window down. Jacob barked in response.

* * *

"So, where are we going?" Jacob asked, yawning loudly as he trailed behind me along the road.

"First off, I need new clothes," I gestured at my saliva-soaked, mismatched clothing. "Did you even _look_ at what you were grabbing?"

Jacob shrugged, yawning again. "Not really. Does it really matter?"

"Yes, Jacob, it does." I looked down at the lime green shirt and too-short sweatpants. "Slept much lately?" I added, watching him yawn once more.

"Long patrol last night," he shrugged.

"You could go sleep instead…" I said hopefully.

He shook his head, looking at his watch. "It's nearly noon, so I guess we have pretty much the whole day."

I rolled my eyes at his use of the word "we", yet felt comforted all the same by his presence. Not that I would ever admit that to him, of course. My house came soon into view, and I sped up my pace, anxious to shed the clothing I was wearing. We stepped onto the porch a few moments later. I patted my pockets, feeling them empty.

Jacob brandished a key before reaching around me and unlocking the front door.

"Who gave you that?" I asked as we stepped inside.

"Gave…?" Jacob hesitated. "I, uh, borrowed them." Jacob stepped around me and headed into the living room, sprawling himself across my sofa and flicking on the tv.

I rolled my eyes in response, spying my keychain lying on the coffee table, mysteriously devoid of a key.

"Right," I said as I made my way upstairs.

I returned a few minutes later to find him snoring loudly. The remote lay abandoned on the floor.

I switched off the television before walking over to him and poking him in the chest. "I'm back, as promised." I said.

Jacob only snored louder.

"Great acting, Jake. Now get up," I poked him again. The snores continued.

"Jake!" I shouted, shaking him this time.

He turned over, burying his face in my mother's throw pillows.

I sighed. "So much for all day," I backed towards to the front door quietly, watching him carefully. I opened the door, wincing as the hinges creaked. Jacob did not stir. I smiled triumphantly, slipping out into the gloomy afternoon.

* * *

The streets were empty, making it easy for me to slip between houses unnoticed as I made my way towards the beach. I could taste the impending storm as I approached the shore. The churning gray water lapped at the sand, inviting me. I shed my my shorts and loose shirt, revealing the bathing suit I had donned beneath in case of an opportunity such as this.

I dove in swiftly, letting the normally frigid water caress my overheated skin, soothing my rapidly healing burns. I lingered under the water for a few moments, relishing in the stillness around me. I resurfaced slowly and began swimming the familiar path towards my cave. The water had begun to churn more fiercely, signaling the storm's approach. I swam harder, seeing the familiar wall of rocks looming in the distance.

A wave crashed above my head, shoving me beneath the surface. I pushed towards the surface, faltering for a few moments as the dark water impeded my vision. I broke the surface suddenly to find the water had increased in violence, pounding dangerously around me. The waves reared up higher, blocking the rocky landmark from view. My panic rose as I looked around me, unable to see anything but the water. A wave hit me hard, dragging me under once again. This time I relaxed, allowing the water to consume me. My lungs screamed for air and I instead opened my mouth, filling them with water. It burned, spreading outwards as my body resisted my mind's resignation.

Then it was calm. It spread through me slowly, trickling over the burn and soothing it. It whispered serenity into my body, letting me float softly in the quiet. The flutter of my heartbeat played a melody in the stillness, growing softer as I let the life flow out of me. The water was no longer frightening and dark - just a sad blue expanse, stretching past where my eye could see.

A force lurched me backwards roughly, and the stillness was broken. I unexpectedly found myself breaking the surface, coughing up the salty water. The storm continued to rage around me, the sky having darkened under the cover of the dark clouds. I was being steadily pulled in one direction. As I felt the sandy shoreline beneath my toes, I realized that there was an arm that was wrapped protectively around my waist, pulling me forward. My eyes trailed from the arm to the body it was attached to and up to the snarling face of Jacob Black. His mouth was moving furiously, complementing the glare he was clearly aiming at me. I caught the last of his words as my focus returned.

"...IDIOT!" he fumed, turning and dragging me forward by the wrist.

I stared at the back of his wet head, listening to his rant.

"Do you understand how it felt to see your head disappear under the water like that?! What were you even thinking, Leah? You might be a werewolf but you are _not_ immortal!" he shouted. His truck was parked hastily on the side of the road, the driver's side door flung wide open. He shoved me into the cab, materializing a blanket that he hastily toweled me off with, even though I hardly needed it.

"And don't tell me you did it on a whim, Leah - you're wearing a freaking bathing suit." He directed another glare at me, his eyes flicking disgustedly over my attire.

I opened my mouth to respond and instead let out a giggle. I covered my mouth quickly, only to feel more laughter bubbling to the surface until I was bent double, wheezing.

Jacob's glare deepened. "What about this situation is funny to you?"

"You," I giggled again, looking at his wet hair that was pasted comically all over his face.

"You nearly drowned today, and you're _laughing_?" he answered incredulously, raising his eyebrows.

"Yup," I giggled again, reaching over to smooth his hair. We sat in silence for a while. I molded Jacob's hair into comical positions while giggling intermittently as he watched me intently. I avoided his searching gaze.

"You weren't struggling when I found you, Leah," he whispered. "You were _dying_."

I remained silent, smoothing out his hair. He reached up and caught my wrists.

"Leah," he prodded.

I stared at the raindrops racing down the windshield instead.

"Leah," he spoke louder, easily holding my wrists with one hand so that he could at tug my chin until I faced him with the other. "Why?" he sounded almost wounded.

I met his gaze with as blank a stare I could muster, betraying none of my thoughts.

"I want to help you, Leah," his voice had deepened an octave. "But first I need you to trust me."

"I never asked for anyone's help."

"That doesn't mean that you don't need it."

"I'm not your charity case, Jacob," My words lacked the bite I had intended. I felt a wave of exhaustion tugging at me, and I yielded. "Just take me home."

Jacob was silent as he started the car and drove towards my home. I could feel the all too familiar sensation of his gaze burning into the back of my head the entire way home as I studiously ignored him.

"You'll never be a charity case to me," Jacob whispered after I had gotten out, the soft words reaching my enhanced ears despite my being two dozen feet away by the time he said them.


	6. Chapter 6

**SIX**

"More mashed potatoes?" Sue asked, smiling at me.

I eyed the runny, brown and white mixture dripping from the serving spoon she held up. "I'm good," I tried to smile back.

"Seth?" She turned to him, splattering the table as more dripped from the spoon.

He stood up, shaking his head. "I've got patrol, actually," he said, planting a quick kiss on her forehead. "I'll see you later." He nodded at me once before slipping out the back door.

"I spoke with Sam," Sue said. "You won't be on patrol this week."

"Figured."

She walked over and squeezed my shoulder. "Get some rest." She kissed my forehead before gathering the dishes and beginning to wash up.

Throughout my childhood, my father had told me stories of how she was one of the most sought after women of the reservation in her youth. It was easy to see why. Her face had the naturally perfect symmetry that women craved, and many such women on the reservation shunned her in jealousy. Her eyes, which Seth and I had both inherited, were a deep hazel that seemed to glow with the light of the sun itself. Her skin was a satiny gold that, when reflected in the firelight just so, made her appear ethereal. Her generously curved figure had remained toned throughout the years, despite her affinity for reading books as opposed to exercising.

A sudden gust of wind blew the back door open.

" _Seth_ ," My mother sighed, moving to close it.

"I've got it," I said, moving over to it. Outside, the garden was dimly lit by the small lamps Sue had hung intermittently throughout the large space. Inhaling the fresh scents deeply, I stepped out into the invitingly cool breeze. Outside, the night was awake. I could hear insects and creatures alike, scurrying through the bushes. Further away, I could hear wolves howling.

"Leah?" My mother's frame was illuminated in the doorway. "Where are you going?"

"Not far," I said, stepping deeper into the garden. "It's beautiful," I added as I looked at the rows of blossoming flowers, stunning even under the cloak of night.

"Thank you," Sue's soft voice would have been inaudible to human ears. I heard the door close behind her.

I stepped closer to the forest line, feeling the urge to phase deepen as I breathed in the familiar scents. As I moved closer to the trees, a wolf began to approach. I scowled, realizing that it was not by chance. A moment later, Sam stepped into view. His large wolf frame was illuminated by the moonlight that glistened on his fur as he moved closer.

" _Really_?" I crossed my arms. "Why am I constantly being babysat?"

Sam grunted, flicking a paw in the direction of my home.

"Please tell me you're kidding. If you think that you can confine me to my house-" Sam moved closer, forcing me to take a few steps back.

"Do not try and bully me into-" I stumbled over a stray branch as he continued to move forward.

"Sam!" I planted my feet firmly and crossed my arms. He advanced until he was looming over me.

I stared back in defiance. "I'm not going anywhere."

He turned abruptly and ran into the trees, emerging in his human form a few moments later.

"Leah, this is for your own good," he said sternly as he approached me.

"How is being imprisoned in my own home a good thing?"

"You are not being imprisoned, Leah," he sighed. "I just need you to…" he trailed off.

"Need me to what?" I watched as he shoved a nervous hand into the pocket of his cutoffs.

"I just need you to be where the pack can keep you safe, is all," he finished.

"Stop lying to me," I snapped. "We both know that if there's any woman on the reservation who can fend for herself, it's me."

"Well, the circumstances are… different…" he trailed off again, kicking at the hard ground. All the while, he gaze avoided mine.

"What are you not telling me, Sam?" I knew him too well. Even before he became Alpha, he never showed signs of weakness. Ever.

"That's the truth," he said, eyes still trained on the ground.

"Then look me in the eye and say it."

He looked up slowly, his eyes meeting mine. "We just want to protect you, Leah."

I looked deep into his eyes, searching behind the obvious lie. "Honestly?"

He swallowed. "Honestly."

Then I saw it. A flicker of doubt that he quickly covered. Suddenly, it dawned on me. "It's because of my thoughts, isn't it?"

Sam looked away and didn't respond.

" _Look_ at me, Sam," I stepped closer, my voice deepening in anger as I reeled with the sudden realization. "You're banning me from phasing because I'm too _depressed_ for you?"

"I…" Sam started. I dropped my hand from his face, allowing him to look away once more.

"Wow," was all I could manage to say. I stumbled backwards, feeling tears spring to my eyes. I forced them back.

"Screw you, Sam," I spat. I turned and began to make my way back to my back door. The light spilling from my home's windows blurred as I felt the tears rising once again. I forced them back, unwilling to let weakness overcome me.

Sam's hand clamped down on my arm, twisting me to face him. "I'm sorry," his voice was weak.

The slap echoed in the night before I realized I had raised my arm. " _Don't_ ," I snarled.

Sam loosened his grip on my arm, allowing me to wrench free and stomp towards my home. I slammed the door hard behind me. Outside, wolves howled in response.

* * *

The wolves were still howling later that night as I lay in bed. The sound pierced through the multiple pillows that I had buried my head under.

I had slapped my Alpha, and it had felt _good_.

"Maybe it's best that they never hear my thoughts again," I wondered aloud.

Sighing, I extricated myself from the tangle of pillows and blankets I had made and made my way over to my window. Outside, the full moon was suspended high in the sky. Its subtle light was tantalizing. My grip tightened on the windowsill as my body strained with the desire to defy Sam's order. It was useless. I scowled at the world that lay closed off to me, resentment burning in my chest.

A shadow moved near the forest line. It was oddly shaped, too statuesque to be an animal. I squinted, watching as the shadow moved closer. When it moved into a patch of moonlight, I realized that it was a man. A large man. _Sam_. Outraged, I threw open the window, ready to unleash the plethora of insults I had created for him in the hours since our last encounter. As the figure moved closer, however, I realized that it was not Sam at all.

Jacob grinned up at me, bracing himself before taking off at a run. Directly towards where I stood.

"Don't you dare," I warned. He grinned wider, leaping towards my window in a graceful bound. I sprang backwards, looking up in time to see Jacob hoisting his large frame through my impossibly small window. He closed it behind him with a small click, grinning all the while.

"'Sup?" he said casually, flopping onto my bed.

"Here to babysit me?"

"I guess so," he smirked.

"Get out." I stalked over to the window, wrenching it open once more.

"Don't be like that, Leah," he said, sitting up. "Everyone loves a little company, right?"

"Not me," I crossed my arms. "I'm the harpy, remember?"

He winced. "You know I didn't mean that."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure," I said.

"Well, I mean, at the time, things were different, but now…" he looked up at me.

"Now _what_?"

"Now is just _now_. And I don't mean it now."

"You mean now that I'm the broken one."

"I didn't say that, Leah!" he raised his hands in defense.

"But you thought it," I shot back.

"No I didn't," his scowl mirrored mine. "You just hear what you want to hear."

"Because I _definitely_ want to hear everyone feeling sorry for me," my voice dripped with sarcasm.

Jacob sighed. "What I mean is that you should try and be more… positive, I guess."

"Because it's so easy to be positive when nobody can stand being around you."

"Contrary to what you believe, Leah," he stood, looking at me seriously. "We are here to help you, not isolate you."

"Whatever, Jake. What do you want?"

"Company."

"You're part of a wolf pack, Jake," I said. "I'm sure you can find _company_ elsewhere."

"I could," he mused. "But it wouldn't be yours."

"And why are you seeking out my company in particular?"

"Because I want to," he shrugged.

"So you automatically assume that I want you here too?"

"Yup."

I sighed. "I'm not exactly having the greatest night."

"I heard."

I scowled. "Go away, Jake."

"Nah," he lay back into my pillows. "I'm just fine right here."

I thought of his leech-loving paramour. "Shouldn't you be off wooing-"

"No," he cut me off, closing his eyes.

I watched him for a few moments, waiting for him to elaborate. He didn't. So that was it - why he was _really_ here.

"Well, I was hoping to sleep sometime tonight…"

"Riight," he popped one eye open. "That's exactly why you were staring longingly out the window."

"Shut up," I grumbled.

"Will do," he closed his eyes, pulling a blanket over himself.

I walked over to the bed and picked up a pillow, intending to smack him with it.

"Don't start what you can't finish, Leah," he warned, eyes still closed.

I sneered at him, raising the pillow high. Before I could finish the blow, he had extended his long arms and his hands were locked around my wrists. "Final warning," he said.

"Fine," I said, only stopping because I knew that the damage of a pillow fight between us could be astronomical, especially in my mom's home. Instead, I plopped down onto the small space his body didn't occupy.

I studied him for a while, taking in the gentleness of his softened features. The subtle hardness in his overall demeanor that had accompanied his Phasing was devoid when he was relaxed like this, so different from what I had become accustomed to.

"Are you planning to stay here all night?" I asked.

"Maybe," his voice alert despite his face feigning sleep.

"Alright then, let's talk. About _Bella_." I grimaced as I said the name.

"Let's not."

"I insist. Now spill."

"We could talk about why you have so many pillows and blankets," he said. "Is this really necessary?" he tossed a small throw pillow across the room.

"It's comforting," I said. "Stop changing the subject."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Riight," I raised an eyebrow. "That's exactly why I'm forced to suffer through your pining every time we phase."

"I'm not _pining_ ," he said. "I'm just...waiting."

"Waiting for what? Her to miraculously fall out of love with her undead soul mate?"

He opened his eyes. "Waiting for her to realize that soul mates don't leave each other for dead."

"And how do you expect to show her that when she's being guarded by the cryptkeeper?

"Dunno."

I sighed. "You need to move on, Jake."

"You don't just 'move on' from someone you love."

"Even when they break your heart?"

"My heart isn't broken-" he protested.

"-yet," I interjected. "But it will be. And soon."

"And what makes you the expert on love?"

I glared at him. "You don't need an expert to see what's right in front of your face."

"What's in front of my face right now is an opportunity to win her back," he insisted.

"Do I need to remind you how easily she left you for him? Did she even look back?"

"She tried to come visit, she just… couldn't."

"If she loved you, she would have tried harder." I pointed out.

"She does love me, I know it."

I looked into his eyes. The were full of hope. "Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. But the point is that even if she does, it's not _enough_."

"It is enough," he said. "She just doesn't-"

"-see it yet. I get it, Jake," I sighed again. "But if _you've_ realized it, don't you think she would have already, too?"

"He's controlling her, she isn't-"

"Thinking straight? Thinking for herself?" I lay down next to him, propping my head up on my elbow. "Even _I_ know that she at least has half a brain. If she really wanted you, she would have come back already,"

"You don't know that!" he snapped, sitting up. In this position, he loomed over me. "You have no idea what she's really like, Leah. In your mind, she's just a pathetic little human who needs to get out of our way." He spat the last words, glaring at me.

I sat up as well, refusing to me intimidated by him. "It doesn't matter what I think, Jacob. What matters is that you're in denial and you need to _move on_."

We sat there, glaring at each other in the dark for a long while.

"I don't know how to," he admitted quietly, looking into his lap.

We fell into silence once again. I studied the worry lines that had begun to appear along his forehead, wondering when those had come.

"Do you think she's happy?" he whispered.

"I honestly don't know," I replied quietly.

A loud bark outside the window interrupted the quiet. I recognized Seth's whine without having to walk over and look. Jacob groaned.

"You're being summoned," I poked him until he sat up.

"Coming, coming," he grumbled, shuffling over to the window. "Later, Leah." He hopped swiftly out the window.

I welcomed the quiet, and soon fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

For the first time in days, I woke up completely alone. The house and its immediate surroundings were devoid of the sounds of any presence but mine.

Outside, It was a rare sunny day. It bathed my room in a welcoming warm light. I slipped out of my bed and crossed over to the window, inhaling the fall scents. I hopped outside, landing on the ground softly. Looking around and finding no witnesses, I took off for the forest.

The crisp fall leaves crunched beneath my bare feet, echoing softly in the stillness. I wandered the familiar paths for a time, enjoying the sunlight. Soon enough, I found myself following the smell of the salty tang of the ocean. A rarely used cliff soon came into view.

I walked up to the edge of the cliff, listening to the quieted crashing of the water below. I could tell that few visited this place, as jagged rocks were scattered below, ruling out the possibility of cliff diving. Shuffling forward until my toes gripped the edge of the rocky ledge, I let my eyes slip closed. I inhaled the familiar scents of my home. How long had it been since I had really stopped to just appreciate the beauty of the misty horizon, the earthy smells of the trees and fresh dirt. I wondered if I had ever done so, or if I had just allowed life to shuffle me past, seeing but never _feeling_.

Eventually, I sat down and let my feet dangle off the edge. I gathered a handful of loose pebbles in my hand and sprinkled them over the cliff, watching until they disappeared far below. The specks were so insignificant contrasted against the water, disappearing long before they were swallowed by the rising tide. _Could people disappear the same way too_?

I shifted closer to the edge, intoxicated by the scent of fresh water. Temptation caught me again, urging me to slide forward, just a little closer…

I lurched forward, nearly losing my balance and was saved only by the grace I'd gained since becoming a werewolf. My eyes widened for a moment as I saw the waves crashing hard against the jagged rocks against the base of the cliff. Death, cold and hard, struck me then. The finality of it cast a dark veil over my wishes to disappear forever for a moment as I was flung back into the memory of my mother's agony over my father's death. This time, the lurch came from my heart.

I had let go. I had really let go, of everything… of everyone. _You weren't fighting_ , he'd said. _You were dying_. I closed my eyes and saw my mother's broken ones instead, tortured as they looked into the distance, past the life she had built with the only man she ever loved and into nothing. What if I had faded into nothing, too? I shivered at the thought, thinking of her already tenuous hold on happiness.

I couldn't let this dark… _thing_ keep growing inside of me. I had to _fight_.

* * *

The sun was quickly disappearing over the horizon by the time I got up. It bathed the sky in deep oranges and reds, its reflection making the water glitter in its light. I made my way into the forest once more, this time wandering in a new direction. It plunged me deeper into the trees, where the weak light shone gray at best. I let my bare feet glide me across the ground silently. It felt so natural, so whole to be among the trees once more. I missed the tingling ripple of phasing, and the feel of power it brought me once I was in my animal form. I paused in front of a small creek, intending to jump over it. Instead, I found myself dipping my toes in it, feeling the satisfying _squelch_ of mud under my feet. The desire to phase was burning in me now. Defiance had never crossed the minds of anyone in the pack before, as we had all always obeyed Sam's orders as if it were a second nature.

 _Until now,_ I thought.

I squared my shoulders, and attempted to phase. At first, nothing happened. Then slowly, I felt the familiar tingle in my fingertips spreading slowly as it travelled throughout my body. Yet as it rose, the tingling grew more acute. My skin bristled at the odd sensation, but still I stood defiantly. Then it started to burn. The burn came suddenly, harsh and unforgiving. It tore through me quickly, filling my body until I screamed, landing in a heap half on the hard ground and half in the water. And just as quickly as it had come, it stopped. Something lingered in the back of my mind, whispering softly. As my heaving began to subside, the whisper clarified, my Alpha's message burning itself like a brand upon my mind: _Obey_. I shuddered, lifting my hands to see that my fingernails had broken little crescent moons into the skin of my palms, covering them with a crude mixture of blood and mud.

I dunked my hands in the water quickly, lest they heal over with dirt in the small wounds. By the time I lifted my hands out of the water, my hands were clean of dirt and had healed over smoothly. I sat up and pulled my knees toward me until I could rest my head on them. the reality of what this curse had done to me loomed over my head. I was inextricably bound to Sam's will for what could possibly become forever.

I had been contemplating this in horror for so long that I didn't notice the approaching footsteps until they were close. Too close for me to run if it was a wolf. But it wasn't a wolf at all.

Kim's familiar scent hit me long before she finally appeared through the trees, curiosity prompting me to remain where I was.

She looked just as surprised to see me as I did her. We had only met briefly a few times, and on neither of these encounters had I spoken to her directly. I had, in fact, made my disdain of her known, equally earning Jared's own disdain and a deer-in-headlights look from her each time we crossed paths. She was giving me that exact look now. Her feet were frozen in place, although her body was twisted in a way that suggested she wished to run off.

"S-sorry," she stuttered out quietly.

"It's fine," I said tersely, wishing she would turn and leave. Instead, her eyes flicked over me quickly, catching the dirt and mud that covered most of my bottom half by this point.

"Are you ok?" she asked, her eyes still wide.

"Fine," I said again, more softly this time.

Detecting my change in tone, her demeanor softened somewhat and she took a hesitant step toward me. "Would you like some...help?" she added the last word wholeheartedly, as if realizing that there was little she could do to help a werewolf.

"I could walk you home?" she asked softly. "If you want, I mean," she added hastily, likely realizing how ridiculous she sounded at offering to protect a werewolf.

I was prepared to say no when I remembered Jared's face from the other night, the wide-eyed concern he had had for me that was currently reflected on Kim's face. The least I could do for him was treat his imprint somewhat nicely.

So I nodded instead. she walked over, lending me an outstretched hand to help me up. I raised an eyebrow at this, ignoring it and standing so swiftly that it caught her by surprise. She blushed softly as she realized her mistake.

I walked past her and headed towards home, hearing her hurried footsteps crashing through the forest compared to my nearly silent ones. Once she finally caught up to me she was nearly jogging, struggling to keep up with me long strides. I sighed before slowing slightly, allowing her to slow to a brisk walk. The silence was awkward, and I could feel her hesitation as she opened then closed her mouth several times in attempts to make conversation with me.

"So…" she started. "How are you?"

I tensed for a moment at the words before relaxing. They weren't as loaded with concern coming from her as they had been coming from others. Instead, they were simple and straightforward, stirring a sense of gratitude from me.

"I'm fine," I said.

It was quiet for a long while before she spoke again.

"How's Seth?" she asked.

"You could ask Jared. Or just ask him yourself."

"Right," she said. I could tell she was blushing again without even looking at her.

"He's fine," I sighed.

She gave a small smile and nodded in response. "That's good."

"You going to Emily's?" I looked at her.

"Yeah, sure," she responded quietly.

I changed direction slightly and we continued walking in silence. As time passed, the silence grew more comfortable until the loud crunching noises her feet made faded into the background. Soon enough, I could hear the rest of the pack's banter as we approached the little house. A short while later, Kim's footsteps sped up as she, too, heard their banter. I slowed and watched her speed up until she was almost at a jog, her entire face beaming with emotion as she neared the house. The effects of nearing her imprint radiated off of her.

I stopped at the forest line. debating whether or not I should enter or turn and go home. I had to go in, though. they had to see that I wasn't afraid anymore. That I wasn't weak. I moved quickly, outrunning my nerves before I could turn and run away. Seconds later, I was turning the doorknob and swinging the door open.

At first, no one noticed me. I sighed internally in relief, thankful that I could remain faded in the background. Then Sam's eyes fixed on me. Within moments the room had quieted and their attentions had turned to me. The feel of the eyes of the entire pack on me burned uncomfortably.

Jacob's made me the most uncomfortable. Nearly everyone else's stares were as wide-eyed as Kim's had been earlier. But Jake's stare was as deep and probing as it has been since their encounter in the woods, and it terrified me. I avoided his gaze, instead flicking my eyes around the room at everyone else.

"What?" I snapped.

With that, the spell was broken and most of them looked away sheepishly, or cleared their throats. Sam gave a simple nod and turned back to talking to Emily. She gave me a small smile and nodded as well. I found myself giving her a small smile back.

The atmosphere had shifted in the room. I felt almost as if I belonged. I could hear Jacob's words echoing in my mind: _You're our sister_.


	7. Chapter 7

**SEVEN**

"Where are you going?" Jacob's voice sounded in my ear.

I turned and sighed at him. "Out, Jake. What do you want?"

He grinned. "Company."

I sighed again. "You do know that there's therapy for lonely people like you, right?"

He ignored my jibe. "So what are you going to do?"

"Buy groceries."

"You're walking the wrong way," he pointed out.

"No, I'm not."

He wrinkled his eyebrows for a moment and then looked at me. "You're going into town? To buy _groceries_?"

"My mother has an affinity for certain frozen foods that aren't available on the Rez, Jake," I said.

"And you're going to _walk_ there?"

"Clearly," I said, speeding up my pace.

"You don't think that would look a bit… suspicious?" he asked.

I shrugged. "No?"

"Wouldn't you rather, I don't know, _drive_?" he asked.

"My mom's working a double, so no car." I shrugged again.

He stopped in front of me, cutting me off. "I could drive you," he offered, smiling happily.

"Or I could walk," I pointed out.

"But driving would be easier, wouldn't it?" he said. "And you'd have my company," he added.

"No thanks," I said, attempting to skirt around him.

He blocked my path again, still smiling widely. "Please?"

"Did Sam assign you to babysit me again?" I folded my arms across my chest.

"No," he scoffed, looking offended.

"Then why are you here?"

"I told you already - because I _want_ to be here."

"Why am I your new pet project?"

"You're not a project, Leah," he said. "You're my friend."

"Friends know when to leave friends alone."

"Friends know when their friends need company," he retorted.

I sighed. "If I say yes, will you leave me alone?"

"Absolutely."

"Alone as in you _not_ jumping through my window at night, Jake."

"Nope."

I tried to sidestep him again, once again finding my way blocked. "Jake!" I fumed.

"Just say yes, Leah," his smile got impossibly wider as he sensed my annoyance giving way to acquiescence.

" _Fine,_ " I fumed.

He moved out of my way and began to whistle as he walked alongside me. It wasn't a far walk to his home, where we went immediately into the garage. It was chock full of his tools and half-finished projects. Several smells permeated the air, yet somehow the one that stood out the most was the smell of summer rain.

Jacob's smell, I realized.

He eased open the passenger side door of his car, gesturing grandly. I rolled my eyes and slid inside, buckling my seatbelt with more force than was strictly necessary. We soon fell into a comfortable silence, the car filling with the sounds of nature whizzing past. I turned my face out my open window and enjoyed the breeze.

"What…" the question died on my lips.

"What is it?" he asked, looking over at me curiously.

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I yearned to ask the question as much as I feared the answer.

"Talk to me, Leah," Jacob urged.

"What happened...to _him_?"

He stiffened, knowing exactly whom I was referring to. There had been an undercurrent of tension when I'd been around the pack, and I knew that it hadn't been entirely because of what they now knew about me.

"He's...don't worry about him," Jake said finally, keeping his eyes trained steadily on the road. "But you will never see him again, I promise."

"Did you-is he dead?" I asked quietly.

Jake was quiet for too long before answering. "Not quite," he grunted eventually.

I nodded mutely, turning back to look out the window as I imagined all the things the pack could have done to him. There was a lump rising in my throat at the prospect, but still I felt little sympathy for the man. He had ruined so much of my life, and now the pack had likely ruined his.

The silence continued for most of the ride there. The air was slowly growing cooler, signifying the oncoming winter season. I was so relaxed by the feeling of the breeze that I didn't hear his question at first.

"Are you okay, Leah?"

His voice was so soft, so serious. He sounded so different than the Jake I had grown used to over the years, or even the carefree Jake of a few moments earlier. His voice sounded deeper, his words so chock full of emotions that only a grown man could understand. I took my time turning towards him slowly, looking up at him. His eyes were not on the road, but burning deeply into mine the same mature intensity I had heard in his voice.

I opened my mouth and faltered, caught in his stare. "I-" I started. _I don't know,_ I wanted to say. "I'm fine," I answered quietly instead.

He held my gaze for a while longer, his eyes probing me.

"Pay attention," I whispered, gesturing halfheartedly at the road.

He continued to stare for a few moments longer before turning back to the road. "We're here," he said gruffly a few minutes later, interrupting my thoughts as he pulled into the small store's parking lot.

The store was small and lit with dim fluorescent lights. The cashier stood underneath a flickering light, his disinterested stare at a magazine in his lap interrupted momentarily at the sight of us. Jake had ducked when entering, yet his head had still managed to brush the chimes hanging in the door frame, making them clang together erratically. The cashier's eyebrows rose at our heights, staring at me especially until I glared at him. He blushed and looked down at his magazine quickly.

I quickly began gathering the items my mother had requested, acutely aware of the growing tension simmering between Jake and I. His earlier question and my short answer swirled in the air around us, unspoken questions and truths swallowed by the silence.

It wasn't until my basket was half full that Jake spoke again. "He's staring at you."

I looked up from the microwave dinner I was examining. "Who?"

He nudged his chin towards where the cashier stood at the end of the aisle we were in, clearly pretending to stock items.

" _Why_?" I asked.

Jake hesitated for a moment, seeming flustered. He ran his hands through his hair, eyes flicking between me and the boy in question.

"Because you're…" he gestured at me.

"Because I'm what?"

"Umm," he waved his hands at me in an odd, indecipherable flurry.

"Spit it out, Jake." I said, my annoyance growing.

"Uh," he continued to gesture at me, searching for words. "Because you're pretty, I guess," he finished, his voice trailing off awkwardly.

I opened my mouth to snap back at the smartass remark I had exepected when I realized that it wasn't rude at all. Not in the slightest.

I looked up into his eyes, and found them shining with a guarded sincerity. All the humor had died from our conversation, and I found myself unable to move my eyes from his dark ones. His eyes were shot through with nearly imperceptible slivers of gold that reflected in the dim store lighting as if they held the light of the sun itself. I watched as the gold seemed to alight, swimming with an unsettling intensity yet again.

I cleared my throat. "Sure," I attempted to roll my eyes, yet the lingering awkwardness made the joke fall flat.

He didn't break eye contact. I looked up again to find him still staring at me with his familiar penetrating gaze. I attempted to focus on our surroundings instead, picking up the store's sharp smells of slowly-rotting fruit and cheap cleaning products. Still, his smell overpowered them all.

Fresh summer rain.

He had moved closer to me, and I was startled to find myself leaning into him as well. His scent sharpened in intensity as he drew closer, the intoxication of it suffocating the rational side of me that was telling me to step back.

But I didn't listen - couldn't listen, couldn't move.

We were a breath away now, our mingled body heat adding to the inferno of tension that blazed around us.

All the while, his eyes held mine.

And as his lips drew nearer to mine, my inner voice began pounding at me, shouting _No, no, this is wrong, stop this, stop it now_ -

The loud clattering of dozens of canned goods tumbling to the floor broke the spell. Our lips were suddenly apart, and I found myself staring at the furiously blushing cashier at the other end of the aisle, scrambling awkwardly to clean up the mess.

We both shifted awkwardly for a few moments, avoiding each other's eyes. I gathered the rest of my items quickly, checking out as fast as I could. The cashier flushed when I threw my money at him, eager to leave.

What had happened was a ghost of a kiss, a whisper of a moment that had lasted for the breath of second. A second that had felt so startlingly real that the air still seemed to hum with tension.

The car ride back was silent. The air in the small bug was so tense that it felt as though I was nearly suffocating. I unrolled the window and leaned into the cool breeze, letting it drag my conflicted thoughts away on the wind.

* * *

When we finally pulled up in front of my house, he killed the engine and turned to me. "Are you ok?" he repeated his earlier question. His voice was deeper this time, sounding as thick as the atmosphere in his tiny bug.

I threw open the door, eager to get away from the him and the questions he already knew the answers to. "I already told you that I'm fine."

"Please don't lie to me Leah." It still caught me even now how deep his voice was, how much older he seemed to have gotten in a matter of months.

"Then stop asking me."

"You know I won't stop until I hear the truth."

I turned to glare at him. "Why do you keep asking me if you already know the truth?"

"Because I want you to admit it," he said. "I want you to admit it so that I can help you."

"Help me _what_? Heal? Find some magical cure to fix me?" I fumed. "We both know that there's no such thing as magic - just sad and unfortunate circumstances."

This time, he was the one with no response. I opened the door to get out and felt him grab my arm as I stepped out. I shot a glare down at where he gripped my arm. His mouth opened and closed, and he reluctantly let go.

* * *

I had finally picked up one of the pamphlets my mother had given me later that afternoon, and found myself deeply engrossed in it well after darkness crept in. The lamp on my bedside table shone softly, illuminating the words that had me curling my lip in annoyance.

Happy students adorned each page, the looks on their faces shining with hope and happiness. What did I have? I flung the pamphlets across the room, listening to them scatter on the floor. I knew that I would find them again soon enough, piled up neatly on top of my desk. College was but another dream that I would have to put on hold indefinitely, as I would remain tethered to the pack for the foreseeable future, likely chasing down whatever new horrors the Swan girl attracted into town for years to come.

I padded across my room and plucked a book out of my bookshelf instead, flopping back on my bed to read. It was a romance, of course. The heroine was so desperately in love with the hero that his sudden, unexplained departure had left her broken, her heart shattered. Eventually, I flung the book down on my bed in disgust.

Somehow, it still taunted me from where it lay among my pillows, enticing me to pick it back up again. I had somehow ended up more than halfway through the novel, and still felt an urge to finish it. Although the protagonist seemed somewhat desperate and pathetic, I could not help but feel somewhat drawn in by the romance. Despite all its flaws, it was raw and passionate, their need for each other as desperate as ones need for air. I could not help but let my mind stray to the Swan girl for a moment, wondering if this romance held even a hint of the one she had with her leech. As repulsed as I was by it all, I couldn't ignore that piece of me that yearned for a love that reflected a passion such as that.

But I knew it was pointless. A theory of imprinting, of course, was that you would be paired with the one who would best bear you children who would eventually become wolves as well. I thought of those who had already imprinted, who had mated with women whose bloodlines could all be traced back to the first wolves.

I picked up the book and threw it across the room, hearing it hit the far wall with a satisfying _thud_.

* * *

I didn't see Jake the next day.

I spent it on edge, waiting to see if he would be appear in my room that afternoon, or behind me as I cooked dinner in silence that evening. When night fell and I found myself seated with my family, I had finally relaxed and accepted that whatever had happened between us was the key to making him leave all along.

"Leah?" My mother asked, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Hm?" I realized that I had been holding my next spoonful of meatloaf next to my mouth for entirely too long and quickly shoved it into my mouth.

"You ok?" she asked, exchanging a look with Seth. "You look a little… flushed."

"'Mfine," I mumbled, smiling halfheartedly around the mouthful of food I was attempting to chew.

"O-kay…" Seth said, watching me quizzically for another moment before going back to shoveling forkfuls of food into his mouth.

"So, I was thinking we would watch a movie together tonight," Sue continued, smiling at us. "We haven't had quality family time since...well…" Her smile began to falter. Seth and I exchanged a look.

Seth quickly grabbed her hand that had began to tremble slightly, stilling it. "That sounds like a great idea, doesn't it Leah?"

I nodded with more enthusiasm than I felt. "It does."

I stood up and began clearing the dishes methodically, and soon enough found Seth joining me.

We washed in comfortable silence, falling into a routine that had been so familiar to us for many years.

"Leah?" Seth broke the silence, pausing to look up at me.

I cocked an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

He faltered slightly. "I, uh… I just wanted to tell you, you know, that I…"

"Seth, look at me."

"You're my sister, Leah," he finally said.

"And?"

"And I love you," he said sheepishly into the murky water in the sink.

I reached over and ruffled his hair then, making him finally look up at me. "I know I'm the little brother and everything, but… if you ever need anything…"

I squeezed his shoulder, and nodded. "I know," I said, before shoving him playfully and running my wet hand in his hair.

"Hey!" he laughed and attempted to splash my retreating back after me as I made my way to the living room. My mother sat on the threadbare carpet, a pile of old dvds scattered around her. She held up two cases, debating between the two.

"Before you ask, you already know that I hate musicals," I said, plopping down on the couch.

She stopped her half formed question and scowled instead. "You're no fun," she said dismissively, smiling warmly at the embracing couple on one cover. "Music is the language of love."

"...I'm pretty sure you just made that up," Seth laughed, flopping onto the couch and throwing his long legs over me.

"Doesn't matter," she insisted. "It's still true!"

"Right," I rolled my eyes, eyeing the pile that lay beyond her. I threw Seth's legs off of me and went over to examine it.

"What about this one?" I said, holding up one whose cover promised gritty, violent action.

Seth nodded enthusiastically. "Absolut-"

"Absolutely _not_ ," my mother cut him off, eyeing the case with obvious disdain. She held up the one with the embracing couple and tossed the other back into the pile. "Definitely this one. It's time you two appreciated to value of a real romance."

* * *

Two hours later, I stood up and stretched. Seth snored softly from the other side of the couch, his legs sprawled across both our mother and I. My mother's smiling face was illuminated by the screen, tears shining in her eyes at the couple's final musical sequence.

I leaned my head on her shoulder. She started for a moment at my rare show of affection before leaning into me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"You know how much I love you and Seth, right?" she said softly after a few moments.

When I turned my head to plant a soft kiss on her cheek, I tasted tears. I nuzzled my head deeper into her shoulder, hoping I was emitting all the love I felt and did not show nearly enough. I had shut myself off from her for so long after my dad had passed that a moment like this felt so foreign.

Too foreign, I realized as I pulled away. She merely nodded as I quickly felt myself dozing off in the comfort of the couch and my mother's arms.

For once, I didn't dream.

* * *

 **Love all your reviews, thank you all for following! As previously mentioned, the fic is complete and I've just been editing as I find the time which is why the posting has been rather sporadic. I've been getting faster at it though, so expect chapter 8 very soon! Also, please note that I changed the rating to T from M - I'd originally put it as M because of the mention of rape, but because it isn't graphic I've decided to amend the rating to be in line with other stories that approach the topic from a non-graphic perspective.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I forgot to mention that there are 13 total chapters for this fic, so we're more than halfway there! As always, your reviews mean the world to me. Thanks so much for all the love!**

* * *

 **EIGHT**

It took six days for Sam to call.

"What?" I snapped impatiently.

"I need you," he said after a few moments.

My heart caught slightly in my throat at his words, but I knew that he didn't mean _that_. Never that. It no longer hurt as much as it had in the beginning, but my heart throbbed anyway, as if pre-programmed to do so every time he voiced his rejection.

I waited until he sighed and continued. "I need you to patrol. Tonight," he adds.

After a few more moments of silence, he sighed again. "I'm sorry Leah," he said quietly. "I really am. For...everything," he trailed off. I could hear leaves rustling behind him, and, in the distance, the pack members on patrol horsing around, which meant that he'd stepped aside for a moment. He's alone, yet he said nothing more.

 _I know,_ I wanted to say. I hung up instead.

* * *

When I finally joined the pack later that evening, the atmosphere had changed. The pack was wary as I entered the fray of the pack mind, and their thoughts were carefully neutral. It was undoubtedly due to Sam using his Alpha powers to dissuade any stray thoughts.

I tore through the underbrush at top speed, the newfound adrenaline freedom had brought me propelling me forward.

The pack was spread out among the forest, most casually prowling whilst still on high alert, searching for the red haired leech that continued to evade our grasp.

I, on the other hand, was running for the sake of running itself. Scarce a thought was thrown my way after my abrupt return. They were clearly trying to avoid all thoughts about me and-

I stopped short, instead focusing intensely on the sounds of the night, lest any of my deeper thoughts slip through. I pushed myself further, faster, quickly widening the distance between myself and the rest of the pack.

 _Wait,_ Sam's soft question could have stopped anyone in the pack, yet all knew it was directed at me. I slowed reluctantly, knowing that he could - and would - turn his request into a command if I ignored him.

I awaited his approach in a dark thicket of trees, feeling him speed up as he drew nearer to where I was.

 _Phase,_ he commanded quietly when he was only feet away. His command gave us the little privacy our wolf forms rarely afforded us. I stepped back deeper into the trees and phased, staying deep in the thicket.

I felt him phase nearby, and the night was silent for some time save our breaths. The moment felt startlingly intimate despite our distance. Each breath he took whispered the multitude of apologies he hasn't stopped uttering since I phased. The only difference was that now they carried a depth they had lacked previously. They carried the weight of a secret I had carried so long, one that had forever burdened the pack with its swift and untimely release. I felt a hot tear make its way down my cheek, feeling grateful that Sam couldn't see me in this moment as I reached up to wipe it away.

"Leah," he finally spoke into the still night. "If I could…" he hesitated. "I-I would…" he shuddered a deep breath.

I remained still and silent, noting how the forest seemed to have stilled around us as well.

"You've gone through so much, Leah," he started again. "So much." I heard him shift awkwardly, and imagined him running a hand through his hair as he so often did when he was stressed.

"I know," my voice felt foreign to my own ears, as if speaking were a newfound skill.

"And I finally understand why you wouldn't...why you _couldn't_ tell anyone… anything."

Another tear fell as I took another deep breath and tasted its saltiness on my tongue.

"And I know now…" Sam was rarely without words, yet lately he seemed to be troubled to find any at all. "I know now."

"You weren't supposed to know," I breathed so lowly that only a fellow wolf's ears would have been able to pick it up.

"That's where you're wrong, Leah," his voice has begun to strengthen with sincerity now. "That's where you're wrong. Some struggles aren't meant to be suffered through alone." he finished, the previous waver in his voice now completely absent. "When you first phased, it was… hard for everyone."

I nearly forced out a dry laugh at his wording. The resentment they had shown me coupled with the resulting anger I had thrown back in their faces had felt like a constant war.

"It was hard for us, but we made it impossible for you." I found myself sliding down towards the forest floor as his words hit close to home, uncaring as the leaves and dirt clung to my naked skin.

" _I_ made it impossible for you," he continued. "I broke your heart - _this_ broke your heart-" I could hear the _whoosh_ in the air as he undoubtedly waved his arms around, trying to encompass all that the hell called phasing had bestowed upon us. "- and it hasn't stopped since."

"I loved you once," he said after a moment of silence. "I loved you once and I shouldn't have left you like this… and let this go on as long as it has."

We sat in a long, contemplative silence for what felt like an immeasurable period of time after that.

"I loved you, too," I said finally. As the words left my mouth, I was shocked at the truth of them. The intense love that had persisted for him even after he'd left me had finally abated to a thrum of loss, still present, but no longer painful.

"Thank you," he breathed. Although I heard no noise, I was certain in that moment that he was crying as well.

He phased and left a short while later. I stayed, my eyes dry but my mind chock full of all that had just transpired. I had loved Sam once. Once. And now old wounds were healing, slowly but surely.

* * *

I remained in the same spot for hours, contemplating deeply as I watched the subtle changes in the sky as the night darkened.

Eventually, I got up and began to walk, remaining in my human form as I moved aimlessly through the dark forest. It was much later when I finally decided to phase and go home.

' _Sup,_ Jacob, apparently, had been waiting patiently for my return to wolf form.

 _Go home, Jake,_ I attempted to ignore him, picking up my pace as I made my way home.

As usual, Jacob was relentless, coming over to where he sensed I was. I radiated my annoyance at him, but he drew nearer all the same, tracking my position through my mind.

 _Dammit Jacob,_ I seethed as he finally appeared next to me. _Shouldn't you learn to, like, respect your elders or something?_

 _Ha,_ he snorted, the sound almost comical coming out of his wolf form. _Shouldn't you learn to respect your Beta's wishes?_

I could almost feel him grinning at silent treatment to his equally valid and irritating point.

I sped up, hoping to at least shorten the time I was forced to spend with him if I could. We ran along in silence for some time, his thoughts happy and aimless in contrast to the annoyance that mine radiated. It wasn't long before we reached the spot where I had left my clothing.

 _Ahem,_ I admonished Jacob, who finally obeyed and trotted a short ways away, surely to don his own clothing.

As predicted, he emerged from the trees and into my backyard shortly later, on my heels despite the rush I had taken to get away from him.

It wasn't until we had both stepped through the back door and into the dark kitchen that I finally whirled on him. "Dammit Jacob, go _home_."

He ignored my comment, strolling past me into the living room. "What are we doing tonight?" he asked casually, throwing himself onto the couch and feeling around for the remote. I spied it on a side table and snatched it before he could spot it.

"Go home, Jake," I spat again, this time in a harsh whisper, motioning towards the stairs and my mother's soft snores emanating from upstairs.

He contemplated for a moment. "Nah," he answered in a stage whisper.

"You don't have to babysit me anymore, you know," I crossed my arms and looked at him expectantly.

"I know," he answered quickly. "What if I just felt like chilling with you?"

"What if I don't want to _chill_ with you?"

He feigned hurt at my words. "Ouch, Leah."

I ignored him and turned toward the stairs, suppressing the urge to stomp all the way up to the second floor lest it wake Sue. Jacob, of course, followed me straight into my room, flopping on the bed as if he owned it.

I went about my nighttime routine and ignored him as well as I could. It wasn't until I returned from the bathroom and found him reading the romance novel that I'd carelessly tossed on the floor earlier that I froze, looking at the book in his hands in horror.

"Put that _down_ , Jake!" I lunged at him, landing in a heap over him while he dangled it over my head.

"It's actually pretty interesting," he taunted me, clearing his throat before starting to read out a few lines. "When she felt him drawing nearer, she felt her heartbeat quickening, and-" I managed to snatch the book out of his hands before he could continue.

"That's enough-" I snapped, stopping short as I looked up at him and realized that we sat so close that our breaths mingled. It was then that I also noticed that I was sprawled across him in an all-too-intimate way, and scrambled to get off of him. It was only the newfound agility that had come with my transition into werewolf-dom that saved me from pitching off the bed.

Although I tried to distance myself from him as much as my too-small bed would afford, I still ended up entirely too close to him for comfort once I was finally seated upright.

"Why are you really here, Jake?" My question caused the half-smile he had been watching me with to drop slightly.

"For company," he answered, sticking with his usual answer.

"For escape, you mean?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

He looked into his lap almost ashamedly. "That too," he said.

"She's with him, isn't she?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

He nodded almost imperceptibly. "When isn't she?" He forced a humorless laugh at this that was punctured by a yawn.

"It…" I hesitated, wondering why I was even bothering giving him advice in the first place. "It gets better with time, Jake," I finished softly.

He looked up at me then, eyes searching mine. "Okay," he said finally.

The air was tense with our mutual pain and...something, something else that I didn't want to identify but slowly descended upon us all the same. I trailed my eyes down from his and down his body, suddenly hyper aware of the proximity of his muscled torso. I trailed them down further, past the deep v that disappeared into his cut-offs and to his perfectly sculpted legs.

His finger found my chin then, and he tugged slightly until I looked up at him. His warm breath fanned across my face as he exhaled deeply, and I closed my eyes, somehow intoxicated by it - intoxicated by him. When I opened them again, his eyes were black, burning into mine.

He tugged gently until I acquiesced, pulling me forward and leaning down to kiss me. He lips were warm and soft, yet hard at the same time as he gained intensity, his hands roaming my body slowly. I moaned, and he took that as an opening to pull me closer, slipping his hands under my dress.

I finally allowed myself to touch him freely, my hands roaming his body as brazenly as his roamed mine.

When he pulled back to slip my dress over my head, I tried to speak through my hazy thoughts. "Jake-"

"Mmm?" he breathed against my lips, before silencing me with another kiss.

"Jake," I protested again weakly when he moved to kiss my neck, pulling him closer, contrary to my protests. "We probably shouldn-" I breathed after pulling him up for another deep kiss.

"Shouldn't what?" he whispered, drawing back to look at me.

I searched his eyes for a moment. "Screw it," I mumbled, before leaning in to kiss him once more.


	9. Chapter 9

**Your reviews are all so so sweet! There are also a few of you who have been reviewing consistently since the beginning - so much love for you especially. Also, before you start the chapter, I just wanted to clarify that I'm not necessarily a Bella hater - but please do remember that Leah hates her guts.**

 **Also, as a reminder, the timeline of this story follows canon events from Eclipse through the beginning of Breaking Dawn - I won't be fully re-writing every scene from Leah's perspective, but you will see enough for the sake of continuity.**

* * *

 **NINE**

My first thought the next morning was that it was hot. Hot, hot, _hot_.

And sweaty. I twisted around in the slick, hot cage I found myself trapped in, and opened my eyes halfway to face a bare chest.

A hard, sweaty chest that belonged to none other than Jacob Black.

My eyes flew open as I fully registered the thought, and I struggled shove him away. He, of course, made this quite difficult by promptly tightening his arms around me at my first effort of escape.

"Jake!" I resisted the urge to yell, lest my mother or Seth burst in to find us in such a compromising position. I managed to pull my arm back far enough to smack him in the chest, startling him awake.

"Wha…?" he looked around the room in a daze, before finally resting his eyes on me. "Oh," he said quietly, observing the positions of our naked bodies, tangled on my bed.

I blushed a deep crimson at his reaction, and used his momentary distraction as a chance to wrench myself out of his pseudo embrace.

He slid out of the bed after me and pulled on his cut offs hastily before making his way over to the window, all without looking at me. It was only when he had one leg slung out the window that our eyes met. His were swimming with so many emotions that I longed to confront but felt myself shying away from nonetheless.

"Just go, Jake," I finally said quietly. After a moment's hesitation, he was gone.

* * *

I shouldn't have been surprised when he brought her to the bonfire later that night, but I was anyway.

 _Bella_. _Bellllaaaa._ I rolled the name around in my mind, feeling more disgusted the longer I did so. It meant pretty in...Spanish? Italian? Both? Yet the longer I looked at her, the plainer she seemed.

She was skinny - too skinny. The simple jeans and a t-shirt combo she wore were almost too big on her, barely clinging to her barely-there curves as she made her way to the fire, looking painfully uncoordinated next to Jacob's wolf-like grace. I frowned the longer I looked at her, taking in her too-thin nose and slightly over-large lips contrasted against the look of adoration that was permanently on Jacob's face when he was in her presence.

It was also a look that her leech had probably been trained to give her as well.

Why this seemingly insignificant and simply _plain_ girl got this much attention I would never understand. Yet somehow I couldn't tear my eyes from her as they moved to sit, something I didn't wish to identify bubbling in the pit of my stomach.

My trance was broken when Jacob strayed closer to grab food, pausing for a moment as he caught my eye before quickly turning back to the food. It had been brief, but I scanned the faces gathered around the fire to ensure that no one was paying attention to us nonetheless. His skin glowed in the light of the fire, enhancing his already beautiful features. His muscles ripped as he bent over preparing the food. I felt myself itching to trace the strong line of his jaw and - I stopped my thoughts in their tracks.

A part of me wanted to stalk over and grab the bitch by her hair, whispering about how this man that she was currently hanging onto, fawning over him despite her insistence that she had a leech boyfriend, had been inside _me_ last night. I longed to see the shock on her face, on everyone's faces, when I did it. What would be the consequences? Would there even _be_ consequences? I shook my head free of the thoughts, knowing I couldn't do that, especially not with my mother and brother right there.

Instead, I looked around at everyone, all absorbed in their individual banter, my eyes finally resting on Sam and Emily cuddling across the fire. He kissed her forehead sweetly as she leaned against him, undoubtedly whispering sweet nothings to her as he drew back. One of his hands fluttered over her scarred face, a twinge of pain flashing across his features. He settled into a smile as she looked up at him, ensuring that she saw no trace of his pain.

I shivered at the loving exchange letting my eyes flick back to Jacob and her once more before I trained my stare towards the fire instead.

Now, knowing everything that had transpired and that had lead to this messed up situation we had been forced to accept as reality, I was disgusted by all that I had thought and felt in the past. Why, then, was I letting this sudden wave of jealousy overwhelm me so completely? I'd already been down this path, and it was _ugly_.

The flames rippled and crackled, the waves of heat they gave off blurring the world around me. I let the mesmerizing patterns they threw draw me into another place, the banter of the pack and council fading into the background.

The vibe settled into a din as quickly as it had begun, and all attention gravitated toward the four elders among us. I let my eyes flutter shut as the stories began, intent on purging all but the history that had brought us here, to this moment, that they began to unfold before us.

Throughout the story of our history, I remained frozen in my spot, lost in the troubled history of our pack. Death and pain had followed each generation like a plague for centuries, with no end in sight. Fathers, their children, their children's' children…

And women. Wives, mothers. And then myself. I was neither - each woman in the story served some higher purpose, held a place in it all…

I was regarded with cool disdain by the women on the reservation, who whispered tales of my pathetic fawning over the man I had lost to another. The rumors had gained vicious momentum once I had joined the pack and began openly following Sam around "like a lost puppy". Questions of who - and what - I was had plagued me since the day I first phased, leaving me in a constant struggle with questions that had no answers.

I vaguely registered Old Quil's final words about the burden we had been forced to carry for generations. Burden. A word that was neither strange nor foreign to me. My destiny, I supposed. A burden on my family, the pack, the tribe… an unexpected and unwanted twist in our already over complicated history. A traitorous tear slipped from one of my still-closed eyes, and I wiped it away hurriedly, unwilling to let them see the weakness that had bubbled forth throughout the course of the bonfire.

I sat like this for some time until I felt my mother hovering behind me a moment before she rested a hand on my shoulder. "Leah?"

I exhaled deeply before looking up at her. "Yeah?" I said evenly, hoping she could not hear or feel anything that was bubbling beneath the surface.

"I'm going to head back," she looked over at Seth and a few other pack members laughing in the distance. "Are you ready?"

"Not quite," I reached up and squeezed the hand that rested on my shoulder. "I'm going to take a little walk."

She smiled and went over to join Billy Black, who I had noticed waiting in the shadows. He nodded at me and I gave him a small smile before I went off.

I wandered along the beach for some hours after, allowing the methodical crashing of waves on the shore to lull me into a sort of meditation. The night was still and silent, the beach devoid of any form of human life. I could taste impending rain, and it started to fall slowly soon after the thought crossed my mind.

I turned my leisurely walk towards my home, ignoring the wetness as the rain fell heavier, soaking through the thin shirt and shorts I wore. It was well after midnight when I finally crept silently into my home and made my way upstairs towards my room.

I smelled him before I even reached the doorknob.

"What do you want, Jacob?" I started once the door was securely shut behind me. "Why are you here again? Why did you bring her? Why would you do that after-"

The look on his face, however, stopped me short. Tortured was the best word I could think of to describe him in that moment.

He, too, was soaked through, his hands hanging limply at his sides where he sat on my floor. I couldn't tell if both tears and rain dripped from his face, but it didn't matter in that moment. Abandoning my annoyance, I crossed the room swiftly and slipped a hand under his chin, pulling him to look up at me.

"Jake," I whispered quietly. He raised his chin, but his eyes remained downcast. "Jake, please." She had broken his heart yet again, and anger and sadness warred within me as I took in just how easily she was able to break him.

In a moment of sheer stupidity or desperation - I couldn't quite decide - I wrapped my arms around him tightly. We sat quietly for some time, his body limp and unresponsive under mine.

Eventually, one of his hands slid up under my shirt to clutch at my back, pulling me closer. I shivered slightly at the feel of his hand on my skin, but let him pull me closer nonetheless, sliding my arms up until they were slung around his neck. He crushed me closer still, burying his face in my neck.

It was a long while later when he finally pulled back and looked into my eyes. In them was a pain that only someone who had experienced true heartbreak could bear, a weight that only one who had truly experienced love and loss could see. Becoming a wolf had aged Jacob Black into a man not only physically, but emotionally as well.

"Oh," I managed to let out before his lips crushed mine in a desperate, searing kiss. How had I ended up here, _again_ , less than a day later? He pressed harder into to me, as if he was ridding himself of his pain. I accepted it eagerly, yearning only for his touch, even if this was how it would be given.

When he pulled back to slip my shirt over my head, I tried to speak through my hazy thoughts. "Jake, wait-"

This time, he pulled back and looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

I looked up at him, letting my eyes scan his body slowly, then following with my hands. He shivered under my touch, and I was intoxicated by it, by him. This time, it was me pulling him back into a kiss, because I could not deny that I craved this just as much as he did.

He moaned his approval at my touch, and in one fluid movement, scooped me up with one arm carried me gently towards the bed, laying me down before covering my body with his own.


	10. Chapter 10

**Very short chapter this time, but 11 will make up for it. I read and cherish every single review - thank you all! Also, I wanted to announce that Nightfall is the first of a series of Wolfpack fics that I'll be writing. So far, I have three fics tentatively planned, including a fic featuring Quil and Claire, for anyone wanting fics featuring that couple. Those fics will all be rather short as well (~10 chapters each, 15 at most). The other fics in the series are all WIPs, so I can't guarantee that posting will be as quick with those as Nightfall, which was complete before posting. My main focus aside from Nightfall right now is a Harry Potter fic (Dramione, if there any of you are interested), so I'm still undecided on whether I want to start posting other Wolfpack fics while they're WIPs, or if I'll finish them completely before posting (which will probably take quite a while).**

 **Also, a HUGE thank you to my Beta, who's been so patient and amazing throughout the years (literally) that I've been working on Nightfall on and off for. She's incredible, and this story would be nowhere near the caliber it is at now if it weren't for her. She's literally my perfect match with an insane eye for detail that has been invaluable throughout this process.**

* * *

 **TEN**

The sun was high in the sky when I finally awoke the next morning, its rays piercing a path directly across my bed. I opened my eyes and quickly shut them again, turning my body away from the criminalizing daylight. It exposed the shame that the cloak of night had kept carefully covered. I pulled my thin sheets up tighter over my naked body, wishing I could forget all that had transpired the night before.

But all I saw when my eyes closed was a never ending cycle of all the the events that had transpired between myself and Jacob. His scent drenched my room, drowning my senses with memories of our night. I looked over to where Jake lay, sleeping soundly. As much as I wanted to forget it had all happened, it was still here, laying bare - literally - for the world to see. I blushed at that and turned my head away from Jacob's sleeping form quickly.

I was so consumed by these thoughts that I scarcely heard Seth turning the doorknob, signalling his entry.

"Wait!" I shouted, panic overriding all thoughts of reason. I lunged out of the bed, sheets and all, slamming the full force of my body against the door to keep it closed. I vaguely registered the sound of breaking glass before Seth's voice sounded from the other side of the door.

" _Ouch_ , Leah," I could hear Seth rubbing the spot where the door had undoubtedly smacked him in the face.

"What?" I snapped, hoping my annoyance drowned out the sound of my frantically beating heart. I crept over to the bed and slammed a hand over Jacob's mouth, awakening him. His eyes widened, and I nudged my head towards Seth's voice behind the door in warning.

"Mom made us pancakes," Seth sniffed.

Jacob's panicked eyes turned slowly towards the door, and then back to me to slide down my body, which was barely covered by the sheets. I flushed again, removing my hand from his mouth and adjusting the sheets around myself.

 _Go,_ I mouthed to Jacob, gesturing frantically at the window as I located his shorts and chucked them at his face.

"Tell her I'm sorry! Just-just let me change and I'll fix myself something later." I answered Seth, quickly, silently thankful for a moment that the pack wore so little clothing that Jake was ready and at the window in seconds.

"Suit yourself," Seth said. I heard him make quick work of the mess in the hall and make his way back downstairs before I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

I could feel Jacob hovering at the windowsill yet again, but the last thing I wanted to do at this moment was talk. "Just go, Jake," I breathed quietly, silently praying that Seth was too occupied downstairs to pick up my words.

By the time I finally mustered the courage to look up, Jacob was gone.

* * *

Patrol later that night was quiet and uneventful. Paul and I trotted in silence, tracing the feeble remnants of the now-stale scent of the leech that had passed through a while before.

Quil and Jared were a ways away, absentmindedly trotting along as well. It felt almost...normal, now, being a part of the pack. I had come far from the bitterness and resentment I had plagued the pack with for months. Now, the only thing I plagued them with was… significantly darker, to say the least.

I spoke before my mind could wander any further. _Anything over there?_ I thought at Quil and Jared.

 _Nothing,_ Quil's mind strayed to Claire, who was spending the night with Emily.

Jacob chose then to phase. Immediately, we were faced with an onslaught of memories of his day with Bella, replaying in our minds as if it had happened to us.

I felt her scent enveloping me, her unwilling lips unmoving against mine, her small fist connecting with my face. Panic at the memories and sensations of what had occured between Jacob and I just the night before stirred behind my carefully constructed mental walls, forcing me to phase then and there, heaving in a heap on the forest floor. I saw a rustle somewhere ahead of me as Paul paused to turn back.

"I'm fine!" I shouted to him, attempting to protect my modesty although I knew they had all seen it many times before.

I knew it shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. I knew we couldn't really be anything, but it still hurt, somehow.

I gave myself a few more moments before I phased back again. I pretended to heave mentally, directing my ire at Jacob.

 _Thanks for that Jake,_ I snapped, hoping my disgust would suffice as an explanation for phasing so suddenly.

 _Sorry,_ he apologized, sounding somewhat sincere. _My bad. I just came to let you know that Sam said we're good for the night._

The three other wolves immediately communicated their relief and phased, leaving Jake and I alone.

 _Meet me at the beach,_ he thought simply. I made to snap a reply at him, but he was already gone.

It wasn't long before I emerged near the beach, immediately spotting his tall silhouette standing by the shore. The moonlight bathed his dark skin, drenching him in an iridescent glow. His beauty flared my anger all the more.

I approached him in wolf form, growling lowly at him. He didn't flinch, and stood silently with his back to me for some time before he spoke.

"Phase, Leah," he said quietly. It was not a command, not yet. I growled a little louder, debating whether or not I should stay.

"Please." His voice was softer yet, making me falter.

Now, when we were alone, was the best time we would have to talk. I knew this, but still seethed as I phased and slipped into the dress I had tied to my leg.

" _What_ Jacob?" My voice came out sounding more pained than biting, which made me all the more irritated.

"I need you," he said simply, quietly.

I wanted to walk away — to run away, but the acute betrayal I had tried to ignore kept me planted where I was. I grabbed his shoulder and wrenched him towards me, seeing in his eyes the same pain that had been there the night before.

He stared back, making no effort to mask the myriad of emotions in his gaze. My heart panged at this, and I felt myself itching to draw closer to him despite it all.

"I know," he whispered, stepping closer. "I know." He answered my unspoken rage wordlessly while moving closer still, until I could feel his breath against my lips. He reached out a hand to cup my cheek, caressing it softly with his thumb.

I turned away from his penetrating gaze, ashamed at my body's response to his touch. I couldn't let him in this easily... let him have me this easily. Overnight, I had become _his_ in some toxic, inexplicable, intangible way.

"I know," he whispered again, touching his forehead to mine. I felt my anger melting away as he drew closer, brushing his lips against mine in a ghost of a touch.

"I'm sorry." His last words were partially swallowed by a deep kiss.

I allowed myself to be lost in his kiss for a moment, before I shoved him back. It was weak, but he gave in anyway, pulling back slightly.

"You don't get to do this Jacob," I tried to shout, but my voice felt small in that moment. I smacked a weak fist against his chest, but he remained unmoving, staring down at me.

I hated seeing him like this — broken. But I hated how much I wanted to save him even more. From the pains of unrequited love, to protect him from the same pain I knew all too well. I couldn't stand him, this broken man in front of me. I couldn't stand him, and how much I wanted to save him from the all-too-familiar pains of heartbreak.

"I know," he repeated, seemingly more to himself this time than to me. He leaned down to kiss me again.

This time, I shoved him properly, propelling my weight forward so we toppled into the sand in a heap.

I wanted to slap him. And kiss him.

I straddled him, my eyes searching his. His eyes were devoid of emotion now, and he stared up at me quietly. One of his hands had somehow ended up under my dress during the fall, and he gripped my thigh tightly, supporting me, although his hand remained still.

"I'm sorry, Leah," he sounded broken, and I felt my own hand reaching out to cup his cheek, and I leaned down to kiss him desperately, wondering when I had become this pathetic and needy.

"I know," I said this time, my eyes never leaving his, even as he pulled my dress over my head and tossed it off to the side. "I know," I repeated, leaning down to capture his mouth in a kiss once more.

* * *

 **Heavy on the angst here, I know. Look out for 11 very soon!**


	11. Chapter 11

**I am waaay too much of a perfectionist, so decided to just post this chapter now instead of fine tuning it any longer. I've gone over it way too many times, but I hope you all like it!**

* * *

 **ELEVEN**

They were coming for her.

 _Her_ being Bella Swan, the ever present thorn in the pack's (well, mostly my) side.

 _Dammit, Jacob, why does that bitc-_

I was cut short by Sam's warning growl. _She matters to him, so she matters to us, too._

I simmered quietly while the rest of the pack argued about joining forces with the leeches or not.

 _We could use their help,_ Sam reasoned.

 _We_ need _their expertise,_ Jacob swept his eyes over the pack. We were split almost evenly.

 _Even so…_ Sam trailed off.

 _I just can't stand those leeches,_ Paul's irritation flared, raising the tension in the air. My fur bristled under the flow of his anger, as did everyone else's.

 _We have to protect our people,_ Jared reminded them. _No matter what._

Some nodded in agreement, while others still remained hesitant.

 _They just...stink,_ Embry made a face. Quil snorted at that.

 _How do we know they're really working with us?_ Paul interrupted.

 _Leeches aren't exactly known for their... friendliness,_ Quil added.

 _The Cullens wouldn't do that,_ Jacob snapped.

 _Well your opinion_ is _biased,_ I directed my ire at Jacob.

 _Touché,_ Paul said, impressed at my boldness.

 _Might I remind you that the Cullens are the reason this pack exists in the first place?_ I continued. _The only reason we have to interact with them is over the treaty line, that's supposed to be_ protecting _us from them_.

 _And now we're supposed to be playing buddy buddy with them?_ Paul scoffed.

 _So we should all just die, then, is that what you're saying?_ Jacob growled at us. _Because that's exactly what's going to happen if we don't do this!_

 _Dammit, Jacob, can't you see that she's the whole reason this is even happening?_ I retorted.

 _Leah has a point, Jake,_ Quil interjected. _This is technically their problem, not ours._

 _Need I remind you that the leech leading them is the same one that was on our land not that long ago?_ The tension continued to climb as our argument got more heated. The swirl of warring emotions rolled heavily over us, making me nearly buckle under its intensity.

 _Enough,_ Sam's Alpha voice cut through our bickering. _We need to do this. As hard as it is, we can't afford to put our people in danger when they're the ones we're supposed to be protecting._

 _These… newborns… are without law, without training._ Embry's voice rang with a maturity that surprised me. _They don't see people… they see_ food _._ He shuddered at that.

Deep in a place I refused to admit to, I knew he was right. I was being petty, at best. But my pride refused to let that show, and so I simmered in silence instead.

 _At least the Cullens have some twisted sense of honor,_ Jared nearly choked on the last word.

 _We have to do this,_ Sam said, his voice ringing with finality.

* * *

Our first meeting with the leeches came too soon.

As expected, the idiot girl was with them. I could smell her even as we approached, her scent distinctly human amongst the sickly sweetness of the leeches.

 _Watch it,_ Sam growled in warning, sensing the onslaught of insults I was ready to throw her way. I rolled my eyes in response.

The leeches were standing at the ready when we finally entered the clearing. Their bodies were frozen, eyes focused completely on us as we drew closer. I shuddered at the sight of how wrong they seemed here, startlingly unnatural in comparison to where they stood among nature in its truest form.

Seth gagged at the smell, letting out a low bark. I almost chuckled in response.

"Welcome," the blond man spoke, stepping forward in one smooth motion.

Sam bowed his large head in greeting. We could all sense the tension in his stance, and it settled over us like a fog, leaving every wolf alert.

Soon enough, the small, elf-like one and her mate took center stage, showing a series of techniques in a flurry of movement.

Seth's mind reeled as more information was revealed about the newborns' plan of attack. _It's so…_

 _Unnatural,_ Embry shuddered.

 _They were designed to kill. Pay attention,_ Sam's authoritative voice cut in.

 _So were we,_ Jared thought, his eyes following every movement with rapt attention.

I swept my eyes over the other leeches, pausing as the blonde female's eyes snapped to mine. She was stunning, in a cruel, inhuman way. Her body glowed with an ethereal beauty, juxtaposed against the glitter of her deadly teeth in the soft moonlight. Her eyes bored into mine and I stared back, defiant.

A rumbling boom from the center of the clearing interrupted our strange exchange, signaling the small vampire pinning her mate to the ground for the umpteenth time.

I watched the male vampire currently sparring with his mate warily as well, knowing that he could sense whatever feelings radiated off of me. While my thoughts were as carefully concealed as ever, I hoped that he passed off my subtle pangs of longing as directed towards Sam, and not towards Jacob.

I cursed the reason for why all of this was happening at all, directing glares towards the bitch and her mate.

While the pack ignored my grumbling, the bronze-haired vampire snapped his head up and looked towards me, his ochre eyes narrowing.

I wracked my brain for his name. Edward. _Kindly screw off, Edward_ , I directed my thoughts at him, knowing he could hear them. I kept the rest of my thoughts carefully blank, lest the many other reasons for my ire slip out.

 _Just ignore her,_ Jacob thought in resignation.

I rolled my eyes internally, watching as Edward switched places with the pixie and began brawling with her mate.

The pixie made her way over to the-bitch-we-had-to-call-Bella perched and herself behind her, whispering quietly in her ear. The interaction made me shiver. How could one possibly get so close to one of those creatures? More than half the pack agreed with me, looking over the exchange with equal amounts of distrust and trepidation.

Beneath that, and the idle thoughts that passed through the pack members' minds as we watched the demonstrations, fear simmered within each and every one of us. Would we all truly survive the battle in four days' time? Who would we have to approach, explaining that their son was dead for no explainable reason?

Sam's fear was the biggest influence of them all, pulsing through our bodies, driving our determination to fight. To _win_.

 _We need to know their scents. We can't afford any mistakes,_ Sam broke the unspoken tension. _Not on our side, and not on theirs, either._

Edward heard and translated for us. Sam was the first to move towards them, of course. Strong and determined, his poise radiating fearlessness even as we were thrown headfirst into this seemingly impossible situation. Still, he was guarded, distrustful at the idea of fighting alongside the one thing we were created to destroy.

Jacob trotted off towards Bella, our Beta seemingly unaffected by our leader's distrust. I watched him approach his whore, feigning irritation at seeing them together.

In reality, always in that part of me hidden deeply away, my gut twisted in ugly knots, and I felt my heart clenching. I wanted to will the pain away, but focusing too intently on anything Jake-related could spell disaster with the whore's leech and the entire pack in the clearing at once.

And so I obeyed Sam's orders instead, feeling dread echoed in every step I took.

* * *

"She's marrying him," Jacob breathed against my neck between kisses. "She's marrying him, and-"

"Shut up," I said firmly, flipping us so that I now straddled him on the bed. _Shutupshutupshutup,_ I cried inside, wondering if Jacob could feel my desperation as I kissed away the tears on his face.

Probably not. He was quick to rid us of our clothing, and frenzied in his lovemaking this time, stopping only for short refractory periods until the early hours of the morning. All too soon, morning light began to spill into the room, signalling that mere hours were left before the battle with the newborns was due to begin.

"Stay with me," I breathed as he crossed to the window, uncaring if he could hear my desperation now.

The morning light illuminated his frame beautifully, and I longed to cross over and wrap my arms around him whispering reassurances until he would pull me back into bed once more.

He dressed quickly, saying nothing. before slipping out quietly without even a goodbye.

I wondered if he'd even heard.

* * *

It was late, and insects were gathered around Billy Black's porch light, their buzzing echoing loudly in my too-sensitive ears. My heart thumped loudly as I knocked tentatively on the door and listened to the creaking wheels of Billy's chair as he approached the door. He opened the door and looked up at me, pausing for a moment to take in my dishevelled appearance. Anger flashed in his eyes for a second before he simply rolled aside, resignedly leaving the door open for me.

The scent of the leech doctor lingered in the air, and I was certain he had been here not too long ago. It gained strength the closer I got to Jacob's door, which was firmly closed. I could hear his rasping breaths, and wondered if he was awake, hoping he wasn't.

I took a deep breath before pushing open the door carefully. A fresh onslaught of tears began pouring down my face as I saw Jacob's form on the bed.

Braces held up his rapidly healing body at awkward angles, somehow managing to swallow his large form. His eyes were closed, and his breath continued to come out in short, pained rasps.

I covered my mouth as I held back a sob, remembering the tragic events of earlier in the day. Jacob, turning to trot away from the carnage, thinking it was over. Me, following him from a distance like some pathetic puppy, trailing him quietly and drinking in the last sight of his wolf form I'd been certain I wouldn't see for quite some time. A low growl, as a newborn sprung suddenly from the trees, tearing towards Jacob. Me, rushing forth to tear it apart before it could tear _him_ apart, masking my lovesick panic with false pretences of bravado. The newborn catching him and crushing him anyway, because I was too late, always too late. The pack's anger at my actions, blaming Jacob's injuries on my cockiness. I had let them, somehow relieved among my distress that they still don't know, still hadn't seen what I'd truly been thinking, how I'd really been feeling.

I reached over and took up his uninjured hand, clasping it in both of mine and kissing it softly as I cried.

"Leah, look at me," Jacob's croak broke the silence, and I closed my eyes for a few moments before looking up at him.

"Leah," he twisted his fingers between mine and I let go, letting him reach up to stroke my face gently.

"Leah," he said again. My heart thumped harder each time he said it, and I selfishly hoped that he was too distracted by the pain to notice.

"Jacob," I breathed softly, my eyes locked on his. "Jacob, I-"

"-I know, Leah." I could hear his agony in his voice, and it made me cry harder. "They don't know what I know, I'll tell them what I know. I promise. " he added.

How had he managed to pay attention to their admonishment of me while he had lain there, literally shattered? I reach my hand up and placed it over his where it rested on my face, gently stroking away my tears.

"Don't," I whispered. "They don't need to know anything, it's fine." It wasn't fine, and we both knew this, but he nodded anyway. They couldn't know about us - whatever _we_ were, even despite the circumstances.

"Don't die," I added after a long silence. "I need you." He laughed at this, then winced at the fresh onslaught of pain it brought. _Because if you die, I'll die too,_ I wanted to add.

"I won't," he promised. "I won't."

* * *

 _He almost did though,_ Sam thoughts blazed angrily at me as I ran that night, hoping none of the pack would have joined after the day's events. _Don't you care?_

I maintained my hard attitude, wary of what could slip out if I showed him even an ounce of my pain. _I messed up. I admitted it. He's recovering. We have to move on,_ I thought instead, feeling another torrent of anger raise up from Sam at my words.

 _You're making it real damn hard to accept you right now, you know,_ Sam snapped. His mind was nearly consumed entirely by his sorrow at almost losing his beta, his pain and guilt at what he could have done weighing down my mind as I tried to escape from it.

 _Then don't,_ I snapped back, phasing.

* * *

He didn't come back to me after he healed. Instead, he took off, leaving me behind without a word.

I hadn't dared go back to his home after that night, fearing the judgment in Billy's eyes at seeing the woman who had supposedly almost caused his son's death. Once he had been up and running again, Jacob had resolved to full time pining. The bitch had finally severed the cord, breaking his heart for good. Having to fight for Jacob's pain was difficult, especially when I found myself fading further into the background.

 _We had been running on borrowed time, anyway,_ I tried to remind myself. Not just the time before the leech lover fully severed her ties with Jake, but the time before he found _her_. Even without Bella in his life, every moment he would spend with me could only spell more pain for the future, more pain for when he would inevitably run into his imprint.

Yes, it hurt now, but it was better this way, wasn't it? Better now than later, when a second man would be ripped away from me because of the cruel tactics of some higher power.

I had avoided phasing for weeks, and Sam had surprisingly allowed it. The rest of the pack was caught up in their own lives, and their own concerns for Jacob meant that they paid me barely any attention.

And so here I found myself, late one afternoon, sitting and dangling my feet precariously off of one of the tallest cliffs we had in La Push. I looked down at the water below, which was eerily calm today.

Oh, how easy it would be for a human to die from this height. I wasn't human, though, and the idea of the long, exhilarating jump intoxicated me.

This time, though, I wouldn't linger in the water. I would come back, and I would wait. For him, despite it all. Because no matter the consequences, I knew that a part of me was bigger than the pain I had experienced. And that part still wanted him back.

I hated myself for it.

* * *

 **Reviews mean the world to me - truly.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Wow. There has been a new wave of support for this story and I am overwhelmed with joy at all of the love I've been getting! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I cherish every review so, so much.**

 **Also, an announcement: some of you have been wondering how I'm going to wrap this up in 13 chapters, and truthfully - I'm not (sort of)! Nightfall 100% has a part two in the works, but I must admit that I haven't worked on it since November, so updates won't be as frequent/consistent as with this one. It only has two finished chapters for now, but I'll do my best to speed up the writing process on that fic. Also, I wanted to announce this on the final chapter, but I may as well announce it here: Nightfall has two alternate endings - one will be in chapter 13 of part one, whereas the other will be the start of part two. I didn't announce it earlier because I didn't want too much speculation in the reviews as to why I'm doing it like this too early on, but I think it's fine to announce it now (there's a reason I announced in chapter 10 that there are three fics in this series so far, but only mentioned the Quil/Claire one, hehe).** **This has always been my plan, so don't worry that it's a spur of the moment decision that's going to derail the story completely or wrap it up too quickly.  
**

 **I will admit that for a bit there I debated on if I was going to give this part a separate ending at all anymore, but decided not to scrap this ending in the end. It's been in my outline since I made it waaaay back in 2014, and I decided to stay true to that, even though it might be a more unconventional approach than most fanfics you're used to reading. Besides, there will be a lot of you that prefer this part's ending to part two and vice versa, so I hope this decision won't cause too much disappointment.** **If you are going to be reading my other Nightfall-verse fics though, I highly suggest you read part two - all the other stories in the verse have been outlined, and there are many crossovers between the fics.** **This way, Nightfall can be read as a standalone fic, or you can read part two for continuity with the other fics in the Nightfall-verse.**

 **Also, be warned that part two is very different from part one for reasons I can't yet say. February is going to be a super busy month for me, but I hope to be able to get back to a regular writing schedule in March for part two. I'm going to try my best to PM some of you to reply to some of your questions/return the love, so do look out for that!**

 **As always, thank you to my Beta - I love you!**

* * *

 **TWELVE**

Eventually, he came back for her.

He'd shown up at their wedding, which I had steadfastly refused to attend. It had stung enough each time I'd picked up the phone to hear _her_ voice on the other end while he was gone, asking if there had been any news of Jake. As if she hadn't been the reason for his disappearance in the first place.

He didn't find me until days later, sitting on the edge of the cliff that I had jumped off of what now felt like a lifetime ago. It was a clear night, and the sky glittered with the light of a thousand stars under the full moon.

"I'm sorry, Leah," he said quietly, padding up to me from behind. I'd heard him approaching from long before, somehow knowing even then exactly who was approaching.

"Don't, Jacob." I was surprised by unwavering hardness in my voice. "Don't ever apologize to me again."

"I didn't mean for things to… turn out this way," he hesitated over each word, as if afraid of the reaction the wrong one would bring. Good.

"I didn't mean to leave you," he added after it was clear that I wasn't going to respond.

"Didn't you, though?" I laughed humorlessly, knowing he'd let the words die on the air, unanswered.

"I…" he opened his mouth after a long while and closed it again, swallowing audibly.

The slap echoed in the night air, the action registering in my mind only after I felt the slight sting in my hand at the force I had put behind it.

"I am _not_ your whore, Jacob." I seethed, glaring hard at him.

He wasn't shocked, and didn't shy away from my anger. Instead, he sat patiently, waiting for...something. For me to strike again, keep yelling... something. But nothing came. Instead, once my breathing calmed and I unclenched my fists, he took my hand in his.

"You were never a whore to me, Leah," he whispered. "You mean so much more to me."

I knew he was looking at me. I could feel his eyes blazing trails along my skin as they trail over my face, yet I still refused to look at him, to meet that gaze.

Eventually, he leaned over and gives me a long kiss on the cheek, breathing the words against my skin once again before pulling back.

I continued ignoring him, and, after a long while, listened to him stand up and leave.

* * *

When I dreamt that night, it was about her.

She was looking up at him, whispering the words he'd been desperate to hear for so long. "I love you, Jake," she whispered. Her doe-like eyes were full of pain and sorrow, the rest of her sentence suspended, unsaid, in the air between them: _But not like I love him_.

The pain of this memory of Jacob's that I had been tortured with countless times still ripped through me as horribly as though it were the first, causing me to awake, heaving.

Even in my sleep, I was unable to escape the seemingly never-ending cycle of pain. Yes, the pain of my loss of Sam still throbbed sometimes, like an old, healing wound. But the pain of losing Jacob was ever-present and raw, and the torture of reliving his memories of Bella grated deep, like salt in the wound.

I hate her. I hate him, too.

* * *

She returned from her honeymoon weeks later. There's no real announcement or acknowledgement, but I felt the tension in the air shift, surrounding Jacob once again as they waited to see how he will react. They would be turning her any day now.

He's still quiet and brooding, but otherwise remained unchanged.

It's as if _we_ never happened. We're cordial, dutifully patrolling as we've been expected to, never saying a word to each other. The rest of the pack doesn't question our silence, chalking Jacob's up to his recent heartbreak and mine up to...well, me being me.

Slowly but surely, things were returning to as normal as they could be, although the anticipation of the coven's next move still lingered in all of our minds. Would they change her here, and risk breaking the treaty? Would they finally leave, and leave us in peace? If they left, what would happen to the wolves?

If we tried to stop phasing, Sam would undoubtedly succeed first. If he did, what would happen to the pack? Would we just slowly phase back into normal lives, forgetting any of this had happened? I tried to picture what a normal life would look like for me. College, a future beyond La Push. I would date, maybe one day marry…

I shook off my reverie. Who would even want an infertile woman? Realistically, I would probably end up staying on the reserve, patrolling and unaging as I watched my loved ones eventually age and die.

It's a sad, lonely, and monotonous existence, and is likely all I'll have.

* * *

There's a collective gasp at the images that flicker through Jacob's mind in his panic.

His leech lover, lying weakly on the couch, her skin sallow and her face gaunt. Her stomach, swollen with child.

Oh my _god_.

Of all the plot twists that life could have thrown at us in this moment, this was one even I hadn't thought of. I let out a small, hysterical laugh at the absurdity of the situation, which was lost on the rest of the pack as they sprang into action.

It was chaos as everyone's thoughts invaded each other's, a cacophony of anger and disgust.

 _You don't really mean…_ Quil's shock mirrored that of the rest of the pack, reeling at the revelation.

 _We have to destroy it._

 _What kind of sick bastards…_

 _Did they know this would happen? Did they_ plan _this?_

 _She's pregnant? How the hell could she be pregnant?!_ Jared's derision was also echoed by the rest of the pack.

 _It doesn't make sense….I...she…_ Images of our mother and Bella's father flashed through our minds. _What does this mean?_

 _It means that they tried to create a monster, right under our noses, like the spiteful assholes they are,_ Paul fumed, his intense rage spreading through us like a drug, inflaming the anger we already felt.

 _They've broken the treaty,_ Sam's mind is aflame with an anger even I hadn't predicted. Beneath it, I could sense a hint of betrayal. _We have to kill it. Tonight._

His command was final.

We reeled with the implications of his order. H wasn't asking us just to take down a leech, like we would all be too happy to do. He was sending us into battle against a coven of vampires, and some of us might not survive it. These weren't newborns - they were well-prepped for battle, deadly, unpredictable, and willing to protect that _stupid bitch_ with their lives.

I thought of Colin and Brady, who were so young - did they deserve to die tonight? Did _any_ of us deserve to die tonight?

 _It doesn't matter what happens to us,_ Sam reminded us all solemnly. _We were created to protect the tribe, and that's what we'll do._ Even if we have to die for it. He suppressed the thought, but we knew the implications of his words that we had been commanded to obey.

 _No,_ Jacob's anger and terror rose, defiant. _No._

 _I don't care about what you think!_ Sam's anger reverberated through the pack. _This is about our duty._

 _It's about what_ she _brought down on us,_ Paul added. _Fucking-_

 _She'll die,_ Jacob sounded broken.

 _Let her,_ I snapped the words at him, letting out what everyone else wanted to say. Jacob bared his teeth at me, as wounded as though I had stabbed him.

 _We need to strike soon, before it's too late,_ Sam said, devising a plan of attack.

 _I said NO!_ Jacob's anger stunned everyone into silence.

 _I am your Alpha and I gave you an order, Jacob._ Sam didn't back down, ever the confident and headstrong leader.

 _And I said_ no, Jacob bristled.

 _To hell with your feelings, Jacob!_ Sam spat angrily.

The combined fury of our Alpha and Beta boiled over, churning into a mass that exploded throughout the pack. It made me feel nauseous, overwhelmed by the pain it caused. Seth whimpered painfully from beside me.

 _Fuck you, Sam,_ Another moment of collective shock descended upon the pack. Jacob had never been this angry, volatile, or… _defiant_ before.

Realization descended on me in a shockwave. Jacob wouldn't-

 _I said no,_ Jacob continued. _And I don't have to obey you, because you are_ not _my Alpha._ His wolf form trembled hard at his attempt at defiance, and the pain he felt at his actions radiated throughout the pack.

 _Don't you dare defy me, Jacob,_ Sam was astute in his attempt to force Jacob to bend to his will.

But... he didn't have to.

 _I am the true alpha, and I said no!_ Jacob was on the forest floor now, writhing with the effort of defiance. Yet, just as suddenly as he had gone down, his body strengthened with a new resolve.

We all felt it when it happened. His presence extinguished suddenly, as if leaving an invisible void in the pack mind that promptly snapped shut, as if he had never been there.

Yet, there he stood, growling at us. We no longer knew what he was thinking, but I knew it wasn't anything we'd want to hear, anyway.

He turned and took off into the trees, leaving us in stunned silence.

A few moments later, before we had even fully processed what had occurred, Seth tore himself away from us and took off after him, both wolves disappearing into the night.

With a start, I realized that this was my chance for escape, too. I could be free from Sam for once-

 _Leah, don't-_ Sam started, but growled at him instead, backing away.

I had a choice now - to back away and leave the man that I had once loved with every bit of myself, and join the man who I had fallen for and no longer wanted me, either.

I looked at him, then whipped my head in the direction Jacob and Seth had disappeared in. An impossible choice, with two unfavorable options.

Could I go? Could I be free from Sam like I had dreamt about for so long? Was that what I even wanted anymore? I looked back at where Jacob and Seth had disappeared, at the trees that now appeared completely undisturbed despite the chaos that had just erupted in their wake.

What did I want?

As soon as the thought tumbled into the forefront of my mind, Sam snapped his shocked eyes up to meet mine.

 _Leah,_ his voice was frantic, desperate. _Leah-_

And in that split second that our eyes met, I knew.

I pulled away, chanting _YouarenotmyAlpha_ over his protests until my mind was blissfully silent as well.

The rest of the pack stood there, staring at me in shock, and I wondered if it was my imagination or if Brady's muzzle actually hung open in disbelief.

I turned and tore off without another look in their direction, leaving that disaster of a situation.

 _Leah?_ Seth's voice rang through my head softly. _Is that you?_

 _What's our next move?_ I tore through the underbrush as if for the first time, feeling as free as the first time I'd run in my wolf form.

 _I always liked you better anyway, Jake,_ Seth thought happily.

 _Just focus on protecting her,_ Jake ignored me, still sprinting towards the Cullen house. _Set up a perimeter. It's going to be a long night._

* * *

 **Chapter 13 has a lot more edits needed than the others, but I hope I can have it up in a reasonable amount of time. Ideally, it'll be up simultaneously with chapter one of part two, so I don't keep too many of you hanging. I read every single review - please do leave one of any kind, whether it's love or constructive criticism. I appreciate them all!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Well. Many apologies are owed to you all from me - I know that this chapter has been a long time coming. So sorry for the lengthy delay. We've reached the end of this particular arc, and it is bittersweet. This chapter will be essentially posted twice, however - this first version is the 1st alternate ending that allows this fic to stand on its own. It has also been posted with its other alternate ending as the first chapter of Nightfall: Part Two which has been also already been posted. The two endings lead Leah on very different paths, but I hope that you all will enjoy where it takes her no matter which ending you choose.  
**

* * *

 **THIRTEEN**

My hatred of the girl pulsed inside of me like a heartbeat, ebbing and flowing with the current of Jacob's thoughts, churning up and angry current each time he lingered on his memories of their time together.

It was hell, I thought to myself. Sometimes I even wondered if staying in Sam's pack would have been the best option for me. But then I looked at him, and something deep down inside me would stir, reaching out to him, admitting that it wanted him, that it _needed_ him even if I would not do so myself.

It was what lead me here, standing in a thicket of trees on the outer edge of the vampires' property, staring at the reflection of the glass wall at the back of their home, my senses invaded by their sickeningly sweet smell that lingered even here.

I thought hard at _her_ mate, almost shouting in my head until I saw movement at the glass wall that spanned the entirety of the back of their home, and I spied his copper hair glinting in the reflected moonlight. His body was unnaturally still, even as he glared hard at me with those glittering ocher eyes. It is no longer unnerved me, but instead disgusted me beyond reason.

 _Send her out!_ I snapped in my thoughts. _I need to talk to her - now_.

He shook his head in a nearly imperceptible movement that my wolf eyes caught nearly instantly.

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. _I won't hurt her,_ I thought, keeping my thoughts mostly neutral and letting only a hint of annoyance trickle through. His eyes narrowed at me, and I could practically feel him sifting through my thoughts, searching for nefarious purposes.

I could practically feel the moment when he found what he was looking for, sense his satisfaction as he, too, thought that she needed to distance herself from Jacob - for both of their good.

Still, he was reluctant to let her go, and I heard them have a small argument in whispered tones before I heard the creak of the girl's frail bones as he helped her stand.

I met her on the front porch, keeping my face impassive and my thoughts neutral as he helped her out of the house. Her rounded belly dwarfed her frail form, looking as though it was consuming her from the inside out.

Based on what I'd seen in Jacob's thoughts, I knew I wasn't far off.

Her vampire hovered behind her, looking equally protective and enamoured as he helped her down the steps. I quelled my rage deep in the hidden part of her mind that she knew he could not reach, anger churning in her stomach at the thought of how undeserving this woman was to be having a child with that monster out of the blue. The emptiness my sudden and unwanted infertility had left behind flared within me, and knowing I could neither have a child nor know the earth shattering love of imprinting.

"Come," I said simply before turning and walking off into the trees, knowing she would follow at her slow and painfully human pace. I could hear the struggled breaths she took as she hobbled under the weight of her child, all the while hearing the soft rustle of her shirt as she rubbed a loving hand over the swell of her middle.

The child was sucking her life away, but it was sucking away Jacob's, too. When would she ever stop _taking_ from us?

She hobbled behind me into the trees as I led her deeper into the forest and away from the Cullens' hearing. Once I was satisfied with our distance, I rounded on her.

She recoiled at my expression, looking every bit the wounded child. So pathetic.

"You're a cunning, bitch, you know?" I laughed, the sound coming out sharp and harsh.

"I… I don't understand," she said quietly, her voice almost a whimper.

"What, don't you understand, _Isabella_?" I said her name as if it were a curse word, and she recoiled as though she'd understood that, too.

"Why do you hate me so much? What did I...what did I do to you?"

"You ruined my fucking life!" I screamed. I could feel my body shaking, ready to phase at any moment if I didn't get myself under control. "And you sit here and dare to wonder _why_ I hate you?"

"I don't under-"

"You don't understand?!" I stared at her incredulously. "How could you be so fucking _selfish_ and _idiotic_ that you don't understand?"

"I didn't-"

"You did everything!" My voice rose again, and I took deep breaths in order to calm myself. " _You. Did. Everything_ ," I seethed.

She stood there, frightened, clutching her swollen belly with her weakened fingers.

"If your darling husband and his coven hadn't come back, my baby brother wouldn't have phased. _I_ wouldn't have phased," I said, straining to keep my voice straight as the next words came. "Do you know why my father died? Because he had a heart attack when I started phasing. I never needed to phase. I wasn't supposed to phase. _But I did_."

She opened and closed her mouth like a mentally deranged fish, at a loss for words. Her eyes shone with tears as I went on, but I paid them no mind as I continued.

"I phased, and it broke my family. My mother hasn't been the same since my dad died. She's a miserable ball of anxiety if we disappear for even a few minutes longer than we told her we would be gone for. When we went into battle because of the vampires that _you_ caused to come here, she almost had a heart attack, too.

"But what kills me - what _really_ kills me - is that you had no idea the hurt you were causing us. You just went on flaunting your love around town, not giving a damn who saw. Do you even care about what you've done to Jacob?" I felt my heart rate rising again along with my temper as I spat out the last words. I no longer cared to mask my feelings for him. To hell with her if she knew - I hoped it would hurt her even more.

"You're dying, and he's dying, too. He's still so in love with you that he's willing to do anything for you even though you're married to another man and carrying his... _creature_...inside of you!"

A small animal skittered off into the trees just beyond her, startled by the noise. She didn't even notice. I scoffed again, marvelling at how this small, weak human had managed to get all these supernatural creatures wrapped around her tiny little finger.

"I'm so sorry, Leah," she whispered once she realized my rant was over.

"No amount of your bullshit apologies could ever replace what you've cost me," I knew the words burned as if I'd slapped her. Good.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen, it just...did," she whispered. Sometime during my rant, she'd braced herself against a tree, breathing heavily under the strain of the child she carried.

"I didn't mean for your cursed clusterfuck of a life to come in and ruin mine, either, but somehow _it just did_."

She started crying openly then, smoothing her hands over her rounded stomach anxiously. "If I could take it all back, I would," she sobbed.

I thought of Sue and her father and the connection they had likely permanently forged between our families. "I hope it kills you," I said anyway, knowing the words would hit the hardest exactly where I wanted them to.

She gasped, slapping her hand over her mouth and muffling her sobs. She turned and walked off then, and I didn't stop her. There would be a time and place for guilt and regret, but it was nowhere near here and now.

* * *

 _What did you say to her, Leah?_ Jacob asked later, his tone hard, visions of her broken expression flitting through his mind.

 _The truth,_ I replied simply, keeping my mind carefully blank and devoid of any hint of our conversation.

 _Dammit, Leah, you_ know _that now isn't the time!_

 _And when will it be the time?_ I growled, prowling through the underbrush even though I knew our threat had long since given up. Sam's pack had been strangely silent for some time now, but Jacob still had us on high alert, not wanting to risk any danger.

 _I don't know...it's just...things are complicated right now. You know they are._ Jacob patrolled in an area opposite mine, and I could tell that things were quiet on his end, too.

 _Has it ever been_ my _time, Jacob?_

 _Leah, we've all had things going on, and-_

 _I asked you a question!_

 _And you know that I don't know the answer,_ he replied solemnly.

 _So what then?_

 _We do our duties. Continue doing our duties, as we've always done before. We have to protect…_ Jacob trailed off.

 _We have to protect what, exactly? The tribe? Is that what you were going to say? We both know damn well that isn't true. We're protecting the woman you love and her undead posse because_ you _decided that we need to._

 _It isn't just that,_ Jacob replied. _It's so much more than that, I just… I can't explain it, I…_

 _Yes, you can. You're protecting her because you still love her._

 _I don't… I do, and I don't, Leah._ His words were laced with exhaustion.

 _You hate that child,_ I shot back. _As much as I do_.

 _I hate what it's doing to her, that creature is unnatural and evil and everything I'm against, but it's still somehow killing the woman I love...d,_ he stumbled over the word, his lack of clarity on the issue evident in his emotions. _With my whole heart, Leah. I can't just let her go._

 _You could, Jake, if you'd just let yourself._

 _I can't explain it, Leah… I thought I was over her, but even now, seeing her face just makes me want to get closer to her, protect her…_

I didn't answer this time, and instead kept prowling aimlessly, protecting those I loathed the most. I carefully pushed down all the thoughts I knew I couldn't unload on Jacob. Not here, not now, especially when Seth could phase at any moment.

 _I gave him the night off,_ Jacob answered my unspoken question as I let thoughts of Seth flit through my mind.

I scoffed internally, the sound coming out as a harsh bark that startled away a deer that had been grazing peacefully nearby. _So you force me to do this with you after everything?_

 _You know it's not about that._

 _Then why am I still here?_

 _Because I need you, Leah,_ I realized that he'd been making his way towards me throughout our conversation, and now heard him approaching, although he was still a ways off. His thoughts changed directions then, veering off to a discussion we'd never had, and I'd always doubted we ever would.

 _Go away, Jake,_ I wondered if wolves could get headaches. _We can't have this conversation now._

 _When, then?_ It felt like he was throwing my own words back at me.

 _I don't know, Jake,_ I felt my apprehension growing as he moved closer, disturbing the creatures of the night as his large wolf form moved through the trees. _Not now._ Maybe not ever.

 _So we're just going to pretend that it never happened?_

We'd never broached the subject before, instead always waking up and dressing quietly before going about our days, carrying on as normally as possible. We'd so often taken refuge in each others' bodies under the cover of night, yet this evening I felt more bare in front of him than I ever had.

 _We shoul-_

 _Do you regret it?_ I rushed out, cutting him off before I could find out if he was going to say "should" or "shouldn't".

 _Leah, I…_

 _Do you regret it, Jacob?_ I asked, my tone harder. I tried to see through the jumble of thoughts that flew through his mind before he carefully concealed them, stopping as I caught a flash of my naked body writhing underneath his.

 _Don't ask me to say that I regret it,_ he said, finally stepping into my line of sight.

I stared at him, guarded and confused. What did he want? What did this mean?

 _It shouldn't have happened,_ he continued. My heart stopped. _But I don't regret that it did._

 _What are you even saying, Jake? You either regret it or you don't._

 _I-_

 _You do._ The realization stung as I read his conflicted thoughts.

 _I don't know, I-_

 _Don't you dare stand there and lie to me Jacob!_ Not here, not like this.

 _I didn't mean it like that, I just-_

 _You just what? You meant it. You regret it._ Shouldn't I be regretting it, too? I felt the pain, anger, and confusion I'd felt after all those times we'd slept together curling in the pit of my stomach.

 _You regret it, too, Leah,_ he replied solemnly. _I can feel it._

 _What_ I _regret,_ I snapped back angrily, _Is how I felt afterwards. Not..not that._

 _What do you mean, afterwards?_

 _I mean when you'd just leave me! Are you that dense?_

Jacob cocked his head at me in response.

 _You're kidding me, Jake._

 _Wasn't that what you wanted? You_ made _me leave half the time!_

I wanted to throw up my hands in exasperation, but settled for snarling at him instead. _You're kidding, right? Of_ course _it's every woman's dream to see the man she just had sex with sneak out of the room!_

 _You know I never meant it like that, though._

 _Does what we meant ever really matter?_

 _This is complicated, Leah. It's always been complicated, you know that, it's not like...was there ever really another option?_

Although it was a truth I didn't want to confront, his words still felt like a cold slap across the face.

 _What you mean,_ my words were carried by the intense anger growing within me, white hot as I threw it at Jacob. _Is that_ I _was never an option._ His rejection burned through me, and I knew that if I had been in my human form I would have felt the telltale sting of hot, angry tears gathering at the back of my eyes.

 _I didn't mean to hurt you like this, you know I didn't._ His pain and sadness in reaction to my own tumultuous emotions radiated toward me, drowning me.

 _Then why did you?! Why?! Why is it always me?_ I phased, buckling under the intensity of our combined emotions.

I stalked forward as he phased, too, starting to slap and punch him in the chest as soon as he was within reach. He winced in pain at the onslaught of the full force use of my strength on his otherwise near-invincible body.

"You don't deserve this," he whispered over and over. "You don't deserve me."

Eventually, I stopped, leaning into him and breathing heavily into his chest. "Then why do I still want you, Jacob?" I whispered, looking up at him.

Even though we'd both shot up to borderline unnatural heights when we'd phased, he somehow still towered over me. I trailed a hand over his chest, marveling at how he'd managed to get bigger even after he'd officially taken his position as alpha.

I looked into his eyes, somehow still twinkling with sincerity. I slid my hand up to his cheek, strengthening my resolve. Tonight, I would be the one taking from him. Tonight, it was my turn. I strengthened my resolve and tugged at his face, indicating what I wanted, surprised to find no resistance. I dragged him down and kissed him deeply, pulling him down to the forest floor with me.

* * *

We awoke to the soft grey light of a typically foggy morning. I lay wrapped in Jacob's arms, making no move to untangle myself. We were covered in a light layer of morning dew, and I watched as the droplets quickly evaporated from the combined heat of our intertwined forms.

I felt a soft kiss press into my hair from behind and realized that Jacob was awake, too. I shifted slightly then froze, knowing that this was the moment when one of us usually sprang up and left, acting as though our coupling had never happened. Instead, however, I felt him tighten his arms around me as he pressed another kiss to the nape of my neck.

"Leave with me," the words tumbled out before I could stop them, and I held my breath for his inevitable rejection.

I twisted in his arms until I faced him, at once desperate to look into his eyes while also being fearful of what I would find there. This was it, the moment I had pictured countless times in my head since he had left. My heart was racing an even quicker staccato than usual, and I shivered as he curved a hand up the skin of my side, skimming gently across my skin until it rested just over my heart. My skin felt aflame under his touch, and I could not help the way I instinctively arched into him, desperate to relish in these last vestiges of his touch before he would inevitably pull away and leave me forever, broken and alone.

He searched my eyes for what felt like an eternity, and I swore I could see my heartbreak reflected in them.

"Okay."

My heart skipped as I processed what he'd said. I searched his eyes as deeply as he had mine only moments prior, still trapped in his arms. "Okay?"

His eyes shone with the same sincerity they'd had before. He simply nodded before leaning down to kiss me deeply. He drew back and kissed my head, breathing deeply in my hair.

We stayed like that for some time, kissing lazily before making love once more. It was bliss, peaceful bliss, and I felt myself sinking deeper into him with every heated touch, never wanting to lose this moment. Never wanting to lose _him_ , as I knew now without a doubt that I could not survive it.

By the time we stood up, it was late morning.

"Tonight," he spoke first, answering my unspoken question. "Say goodbye to Sue first."

"And Seth?" I asked softly.

Jacob hesitated a moment. "He'll be fine. He's free now - he can do whatever he wants."

I nodded slowly as we started towards where we'd left our spare clothes, which was unfortunately near the Cullen residence.

The closer we got, the heavier my steps felt as my next question hovered behind my lips, unspoken as well. Jacob grabbed my hand and squeezed it, then laced his fingers through mine.

"I'm not going to...she'll understand," he said quietly. "I can't protect her anymore." His words ached with finality and loss, and I squeezed his hand in reassurance.

"Where do we start? I asked. It was daunting, looking up at him and knowing that he was _mine_ now. Imprint or not, he would be mine - completely - for whatever duration of time the universe decided to give us. Even if it wasn't forever, it would be enough.

An excited giggle erupted from me at this, and he looked over at me quizzically. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I reveled in the feeling - I finally was okay. "Yeah, I...I'm just... _happy_." The word felt oddly foreign on my tongue, as though I was forming the sound for the first time.

Happy, as though-

A blood curdling scream interrupted our thoughts. The scream was followed by the sound of bones cracking and grinding against each other. I looked up to find Jacob's face contorted in horror.

It was _her_. I gripped him tighter for a moment before pulling away.

"Go to her," the words felt difficult to let out, yet I managed. I couldn't be selfish anymore.

He grabbed my hand again suddenly tugged me forward with him. "Come," he pleaded quietly. His eyes shone with fear and tears, and I knew I couldn't deny him.

"Okay," I tried a reassuring smile before he tugged me forward again, jogging the rest of the way to the Cullen home.

The stench of blood drifted toward us as we reached the edge of the property, causing Jacob to burst into a sprint. Panicked voices could be heard inside, and I knew it wasn't good.

What if she was dead? My gut twisted uncomfortably as I recalled the last words I'd spoken to her. I'd hated her, told her she was a monster. Maybe I was a monster, too.

My feet were heavy as I dragged them up the steps, the scent of blood overwhelming my senses. I was positive - she was dead. No human could have survived this carnage.

The door stood ajar, likely from Jacob's entrance. There were large, bloody footprints leading up to the second floor, where the chaos seemed centered. Even if she hadn't died yet, she was definitely dying. Could they change her in time? Would they?

My eyes drifted on the carnage in the room, from the large puddles of blood to the equally bloodied clothes that lay strewn about, their efforts at ebbing the flow clearly having been fruitless.

In the middle of it all stood the blonde female, cooing carefully at the bundle of cloth swaddled in her arms. It shifted, and I caught a glimpse of what lay within it. The baby was stunning, as gorgeous of a creature as its counterparts. She already had a healthy swath of glowing copper hair, and large brown eyes that shone in the light. Her cheeks were tinged with color, somehow pointing to a bit of humanity although I knew that it was no such thing. Its eyes locked on mine, and I stood, transfixed, feeling as though it could see directly through me, reading my discomfort.

My trance was broken suddenly by the sound of heavy footsteps descending the stairs. Jacob. He moved slowly by deliberately, his large hands bloodied equally as badly as his bare feet. His eyes were fixed on the bundle in the blonde's arms, which had turned back to snuggle gently against the vampire's chest.

Jacob's eyes were filled with a rage that looked so cold and murderous that I gasped. His eyes snapped to me for a moment as the realization of what was about to occur dawned on me. An inferno of rage glowed within them, devoid of the gentle kindness I had grown so accustomed to.

I reached out to him, knowing my face was contorted in horror. _No,_ I mouthed, shaking my head at him. _Don't do it_.

I knew he registered my words, but he still turned away from me, too focused on his goal and consumed by the anger within him.

He stalked towards the baby, each step reverberating in my ears as I knew he had steadfastly committed himself to what he was about to do.

"Jake!" I cried out. This time, the blonde's head snapped up to him. She bared her teeth hissing at him as the child bundled in her arms began to fuss.

"Come with me Jake, please," I pleaded, knowing my words would fall on deaf ears.

He snarled back at the vampire, continuing to approach the baby.

"Jake!" I begged, grabbing his arm. "Jacob, _please_." My voice was laced with a level of desperation that was achingly raw, yet I found no place in my heart to feel any embarrassment at it. Instead, all I saw was him, and the tension in his stance as he stood rigidly between the demon child and I.

I grabbed at his chin, knowing my efforts would be fruitless yet desperately trying to force him to look at me all the same.

"Please," I begged again.

This time, he looked. He turned to me, his eyes still dark and pulsing with rage even as he looked back into my own that had begun to fill with tears. "Let's go," I pleaded, tugging him toward the door.

I tugged again, and this time he took a step.

"Let's go," he agreed in a whisper, his voice soft and resigned. He looked down at me, his resolve slowly strengthening the longer our eyes locked.

This time, he tugged me, and we were soon moving toward the door, then out of it. He burst into his wolf form in one sudden movement, and I followed, tearing after him into the forest.

This time, we would not look back. With each bound we took through the dense foliage, I felt the ties he had held taught connecting himself to her snapping, flying away behind us as his love and need for her dissolved, carried away with the sharp wind that tore through our fur as we ran.

This time, we would be free.

* * *

 **Thank you to all who followed the fic to this point - I am eternally grateful for the support you've all given me up to this point. I know that some of you will be stopping here, whereas others will continue on by reading part two and the other wolfpack fics I have in the works - I appreciate every single one of you and your lovely reviews. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I can't say it enough.**

 **This fic may have an epilogue - I haven't yet decided, but it is definitely a possibility. If I choose to do so, look out for it soon!**


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